I was again on the verge of tears. I've been inordinately frazzled. I felt like everything was a mess and I was screwed, totally fucked up. Yesterday was not at all easy. I had this strong urge to just creep into some hole somewhere and just stay there for maybe another millennium.
No more people. People are bloodcurdling. Finding people who are not hurtful is, in my experience, one of the most difficult challenges life ever presents. I do however, find a bunch who have been truly virtuous and compassionate. I am thankful that I have them.
Anyway, yesterday, I felt so distressed that I could not think clearly. Fortunately, I still have my conscience. I found that when I could not rely on my mind to use logic and have a clear view of the situation, I tended to become rather terrified of life in general. If I was not careful, I would be caught in a downward spiral.
The best solution I guess was to postpone attempts at complex thought until my emotions had run their course. I always felt as though I've given up when I did that, but it was better than digging myself into a deeper hole.
I then decided to hang out with few to fill my thought with glee which later I found unsuccessful. To fake that you are happy was a big deal. It was nothing else but a torment.
I know it very well that I could hardly hide it when I am not at ease. My paralinguistic property would be freely displaying my inner, deep truthful thought and condition. My expression, among others is my greatest enemy. To let it go, I will let my tears to drain everything negative out from my system. Then, I will feel better and ready for another battle.
What a dumb ass I am! Feeling down with no specific reason. I just hate it when it happens! Huuuuhhhhhhh...
No more people. People are bloodcurdling. Finding people who are not hurtful is, in my experience, one of the most difficult challenges life ever presents. I do however, find a bunch who have been truly virtuous and compassionate. I am thankful that I have them.
Anyway, yesterday, I felt so distressed that I could not think clearly. Fortunately, I still have my conscience. I found that when I could not rely on my mind to use logic and have a clear view of the situation, I tended to become rather terrified of life in general. If I was not careful, I would be caught in a downward spiral.
The best solution I guess was to postpone attempts at complex thought until my emotions had run their course. I always felt as though I've given up when I did that, but it was better than digging myself into a deeper hole.
I then decided to hang out with few to fill my thought with glee which later I found unsuccessful. To fake that you are happy was a big deal. It was nothing else but a torment.
I know it very well that I could hardly hide it when I am not at ease. My paralinguistic property would be freely displaying my inner, deep truthful thought and condition. My expression, among others is my greatest enemy. To let it go, I will let my tears to drain everything negative out from my system. Then, I will feel better and ready for another battle.
What a dumb ass I am! Feeling down with no specific reason. I just hate it when it happens! Huuuuhhhhhhh...
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