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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Am I not ready?

I decided to return to my residential college from our drama staging on foot the other night though I was offered a ride. I was tired but I needed another silent, private moment after a long, chaotic day. Of course, it ended up EXCELLENTLY!!
That historical evening, people saw my tears gushing and streaming down my cheeks profusely. I have never cried so bad after my late grandma passed away. The pain that I felt at that moment could not be described. The joy too was overwhelming. Everything that has taken place within the past 6 years flashed vividly in my mind.
After few goodbyes exchanges, photo-taking, hugs and kisses, with stomach full with 2 nasi lemak and 2 pieces of fried chicken, courtesy from beloved Ms. Sha, I made my move and Dylan accompanied me. Soon after we reached a T-junction, we parted.
I wish him good night and at the very last syllable, I was trembling and shaking uncontrollably. I was sobbing and crying again because I have not gotten one mission accomplished. Such a defeat is unacceptable. When I finally became acceptance of what has happened, I managed to take a hold of myself and inhaling a really, really deep breath to invite calm and peace into my wrecked soul.
Right at this moment, I am hoping for the best for everyone.
When I walk away, hatred will be THE complete stranger. All I know is LOVE..

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Cinderella: A musical Parody


Can you feel the vibrant magic? Yea, the most awaited night would soon unveil her gracious-self. Tonight is the night. Guess everything is set. I truly hope that our hard labour would be paid off. We have been working hard, day and night through shine and rain. Now, we deserve to have fun. So, let's have a good time tonight. To the other production, my prayer is for your success. Let's show off what we got!

Selfish

Being labeled as one would not leave you feeling kewl, ryte? If making my world a more livable sanctuary for myself would result in me being labeled as one, I would rather being one. If being one simply means providing others an avenue that after all this world is not only about them alone, I would stand proudly as a self-centered man.
I do have to speak for myself because nobody else would. I have to stand for myself because if I remain seated, I would always be unseen forever. Let people judge. Let them criticize. Let them come out with anything. Let them be because they do not know a thing. They think they understand but so unfortunate that they do not understand a thing.

The Departure..

Dearest friends,

It seems like we have now reaching the end. Very soon, we will be walking to separate ways for good. Let's light up the darkness. Let's quench the thirst of those whom are dying for wisdom.

Don't worry, dear friend. Somehow, we will be seeing each other in any crossroad of this life journey. Only if distance will make a heart grows fonder, then we have no reason to agonize this separation.

I am so sorry for my wrongdoing, transgression, hurtful words and misconduct. I am still leaning and I have lots more to discover. Though at times, it may seem like I hardly learn anything, please bear with me. As learned as I appear to be, I am one hell of a slow learner.

I would love to wish my dearest and loveliest 3rd Cohort of B.Ed TESL UKM-IPBL Link a pleasant voyage. There are lots more waiting for us ahead. Each and everyone of you will be greatly missed!

With love,
Walter Umpang Moses

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Lots of thing to say

This Friday, I would be going home for a good one week. Going home this time brings me little excitement. However, home is truly my sanctuary. While that fact remains, I am now left with so many unsolved trivia. That and only that alone makes my homecoming less awaited. I do have lots of things jumbled up in my mind. But, let it be unheard. Writing it here would not bring me anywhere. Friendship. It hurts me up to a point and then it doesn't get any worse. Neither does it get any better....
Anyway, it's very hot right here in UKM.. Nothing much can we do because RAIN is in Korea.. I have problem sleeping as well for the couple of nights. Insomnia?
Insomnia is when I close my eyes and I can still see images on my eyelids. Maybe because. sometimes I see better when my eyes are tightly closed because I am in the state of peace. Funny?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Dan

Dan by Sheila on 7

Dan
Bila esok datang kembali
Seperti sedia kala
Di mana kau bisa bercanda

Dan
Perlahan kau pun
Lupakan aku mimpi buruk mu
Dimana telah ku tancapkan duri tajam
Kau pun menangis menangis sedih
Maafkan aku

Dan
Bukan maksud ku
Bukan ingin ku melukaimu
Sedarkah kau di siniku pun terluka
Melupakanmu menepikanmu
Maafkan aku

Lupakanlah saja diriku
Bila itu bisa membuatmu
Kembali bersinar
Dan berpijar seperti dulu kala
Caci-maki saja diriku
Bila itu bisa membuatmu
Kembali bersinar
Dan berpijar seperti dulukala

So much is going on...

I have so much to say, so much to share. Maybe I am not a learned person. But, all I want is only this much. Just take my hand...

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Majlis Anugerah Pelajar Kolej Tun Hussein Onn, UKM

I was not at all interested to attend my college dinner at first. Sap however, was very insistent. Hahaha.. But, it took him nearly a month to persuade me to come for the dinner. Surprisingly, I was not the only one who finally showed a little interest. Robin and Jimmy showed up too. We came to cheer for Semry who was nominated for "Pelajar Terbaik Akademik Sastera Lelaki." He won!!!! Clap3...
Anyway, the food was.. Hmmmmm... Not too bad, EDIBLE laa.. LOL.. Interestingly, while writing this blog, I am still very full. Overloaded with beef rendang and was it chilli-sauce chicken? The flow of the event? 1 STAR. Boringness, 5 STARS.. Performances 3 STARS..
I was not at all expecting to bring anything from the dinner. I was then surprised to find out that I was listed as one of the recipients for Anugerah PPP. And Semry too.. So, he bags two awards! Congrats, dude!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Dancing

This is undeniably the hardest. I try to enjoy the music by dancing freely to its rhythm but the moment my consciousness knocks my wide forehead, I would start losing confidence. Guess I must look stupid. Even a person whose leg is amputated could flaunt a better twist than I do. I just envy my friends who could dance gracefully and allure the audience charmingly. What makes dancing so difficult for a guy like me? Maybe I pay too much unnecessary attention to what others might think of my dancing step? But, I have to confess that dancing has fast become my passion. (Behind the close door, I turn WILDDDDDddddd as in BOM BOM POW)... LOL..

Bouncy

Dear friend,
I feel so much lighter than a feather that I am now floating on cloud nine. Please, please don't remind me of my weight which is a 3-digit nightmare. Perhaps, Sir Isaac Newton would never agree with me now if I told him that the gravity has nearly zero impact on me. I am blissfully happy walking on air. No words could describe vividly this glee that I am now rejoicing.
Maybe we are better this way. Though we have very little exchanges, but, why bother asking for more if this nanoseconds but meaningful conversation that we had was thrilling?
Forgive me that I wanted you to become somebody whom I am comfortable with. Whom you were now or before, whether chirpier or quieter, that matters no longer.
Honestly my dear friend, I would not ask for more than my worth. Never mind if the world goes topsy-turvy or turns upside-down. Let's celebrate this unique friendship that you and I share with merriment. Thank you for opening up once again.

Truly yours,
Ter

Smiling all the way...

Last night was horrible. Do spare me an apology. I was in the state of unstable emotion. I was in the need to let go. Thanks God. When I woke up this morning, though I could still feel the pang, but, I feel much much better now. I have a really good reason to smile. Why should I allow myself to crawl into a deeper hole when sunshine is just above my head? I still have a lot of people who believe in me and I will not drag these lovely friends into my misery.
I am now standing tall because I have no time to waste. Hardly a month left and we will continue our next passage boarding on a different airplane. I shall not waste my time whining about the injustice or dealing only with the heartaches. Life has so much more to offer. I want to make the best out of this time.
Things may be quite unpleasant when I reach the crossroads of my life. But, should I give in my happiness to cater for those unhappiness? The answer is NO. I will smile from now on no matter what happens. Are you with me? Welcome aboard..



Black Eyed Peas

This is the most significant effect after my second visit to Funtheque. I am now in love with Black Eyed Peas. I know.. I know.. The album has been in the market for like centuries. I know the songs have been played on the radio for like zillions of times already. But, should not they feel honoured that Walter does listen to their songs and sway his hips and shake his body wildly to this newly-found interest? I gotta feeling.. hahaha.. Tonght will be a good good night.. Bom bom pow!!! You go boy!!! FYI, I took the trouble to download their song from 4hared.com and guess what? LOL.. I kick my morning by tuning to their uplifting beat!!

Coba

Again, I am listening to this song for the countless of times already.

Coba by Faizal Tahir

Coba kau dengar
Coba kau coba
Diam bila ku coba
untuk berbicara dengan kamu
pernahkah kau anggap
bila ku perlu untuk meluahkan rasa hati

Dan bila kau bersuara
setia ku mendengar
agar senang kau merasa

Siapa sebenarnya aku padamu
mungkin sama dengan teman lain
yang bisa kau buat begitu
dan bila
tiada lagi teman bermain
kau pulang mendapatkan aku
itulah aku padamu

Coba kau lihat
coba kau coba
renung ke mata kau
bila ku kaku melihatmu
pernahkah kau ada
bila ku perlu tuk menyatakan rasa sakit dalam diri
dan bila kau perlu
setia ku menunggu
agar senang kau merasa

Maafkan kerana ku tak pernah
terlintas untuk menulis padamu
salahkan ku
tak mungkin lagi aku meminta
untuk kau mendengar
untuk kau melihat ke mataku


No Exclusion

Like it or not, since day one, you have to either be like others to survive or else you barely reach the finishing line. This is something you need to do to provide you with a sense of belonging. This is when a person decided to put a mask on to live to tell the tale. As the saying goes, when in Rome, act like a Roman. Putting up an act is a necessity and for the matter of fact, everyone does subconsciously perform this art to continue to exist. It is a fundamental surviving tool. Do not be too skeptical by unwisely making a hasty conclusion that the effect is always devastating. The end product may not be as disconcerting if you do it purely with a noble intention i.e. to make this world a better place. Unless if you put on a veil to deceive others, then you are the SWINDLER and ehem, ehem, excuse me, do not even associate others who also masquerade with you. Your equation does not hold water. While others have a real, meanigful purpose for disguising, yours maybe for the purpose of making your euthopian world liveable only for you...

Stop pointing finger

Please, please, please STOP POINTING FINGER. Just stop putting the blame on others. Just stop it. Stop all these twisted lies.

I beg you..

I could hardly stand this any longer. This matter has been dragged and dragged and dragged from one continent to another. It has in fact repeated itself for God-knows how many times. I am in need to end this immature, childlike drama. Hardly a day passes by so lovingly without this troubling clutter. This has left me with extreme fatigue and exhaustion. Pretending that I am happy while my heart is bleeding has never been easy. I am alive but I have started to lose my drive.
It takes a real man to make the first move. It takes a real man to say sorry. It would not in any way do me harm or make me less a man if I say sorry. I knew this fucking well. I hate myself for letting you pass by. But, this time, it would be different. Maybe a lesson is better learnt if I provide an avenue for others to courageously come forward and understand that making mistake is humanly and learning to admit it is divine.
This has never been an experience that anyone would want to go through. You don't like it yourself I supposed if a very dear friend of yours leaving you behind without a word. This is not at all a pleasant guessing game.
It is a shame that I did not even make the first move. I am very much aware of this. However, I believed I did try. Or should I stop trying? Maybe we are better off this way? Or, maybe it is time to say goodbye? Though it comes sooner than I thought, at least I know what do you want from me. I could never be prepared for this sort of farewell though. How could I, after what we have built with tear and laughter?
You tell me. Please tell me what is next for us. If going separate ways is the best for you and I, I will walk away. I WILL WALK AWAY.. I promise that I would completely disappear.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Wordsmith but why?

This entry is not a written tribute to En. Salleh. Chances are however, if he got to steal a quick glance at the title, if he would, he might as well think that the rest of this entry is very much Error Analysis-related or Antconc-like for that matter of fact. Sir, don't you look too highly on me because I have very little interest in the subject that you take pride in. Let's go straight to the point.
So, people, this is the real issue that I would love to bring your attention to. I remember writing something on the power of WORDS. If I am not mistaken, I mentioned something sounded like "brutal words could kill and ridicule while nice words could comfort the broken soul." Now, when I look at it again CLOSELY, NICE WORDS may not necessarily heal and cure.
What it does may be terrifying. Its unforeseen devilish potential is far-reaching. People could be so compellingly reassured especially if such a line comes out from those who are gifted with Shakespearean-like-God-sent-talent.
Take this for example, "God must have a better plan for you and me." This beautiful line does make you feel good, doen't it? The consoling sentiment is obvious that THE GOD would work on HIS MAGIC in HIS MOST MYSTERIOUS way. Fine... But, if YOU and I refuse to at least initiate something, how on earth would YOU and I be able to get things done or solved? If we leave entirely everything for God to handle, believing that HE knows what is best for you and I, just dream on. We will go nowhere.
And, has it ever occured to you that God wants this things to ever happen at the first place? Has it ever occured to you that the culprit is none other than our ignorance or conceit? While we choose to acknowledge that everything happens with a reason, DO WE EVEN CARE TO RECOGNISE THAT SOMETHING DOES NOT HAVE TO HAPPEN IF WE DO NOT WANT IT TO?
Similarly, you and I also find our solace by writing a line or two as an asurance that everything, EVERYTHING will be alright and it is just a matter of time. While words may be so calming, don't be surprised if by the end of the day, you would LOST EVERYTHING, E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G that you hold so dear. Maybe you should reconsider compromising...


Friday, March 12, 2010

Ct & DK

This was absurd. How could a dream be so ridiculous and even if it was a joke, it was not at all flattering. And nothing about the dream was funny.. Well, as the title says, my nightmare was concerning Dato Siti Nurhaliza and Datuk Khalid. Datuk K invited Ct to a very cheap looking hotel. CT was all dressed up in a white jubah accecorisised with beautiful, glittery beads and gems. She looked angelic with her tudung (though I personally prefer to see her without it.. LOL). Datuk K, in his calm and steady voice announced that everything is over between CT and him. He walked passed by Ct heading to the exit leaving CT appalled. Ct looked very pale. She was trembling uncontrollably. Suddenly, there was a complete silence blanketing the place. CT looked up emptily rather brokenhertedly into the ceiling with both hand lifted as if she was praying or something. What happened next was totally silly and bizarre!!! There was an iron rod erected in front of CT appeared from nowhere. CT, whom was obviously ruined and distraught by the heart-stopping news slowly fell into the iron rod. Her white dress was smeared with her blood. And the sight of this unnerving tragedy was too much that I was waking up gasping. That was when I decided to go online to ensure that it was only a dream. And IT WAS JUST A STUPID, TROUBLING NIGHTMARE!!!!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I LoVe MorniNg

Any other part of a day feels not as great as morning!!! If you listen attentively, your eardrum will be greeted by the melodic bird chirping or otherwise the disturbing sound of the car engine.. Not so cool though. If you take a deep deep breath, you will feel the purest of air filling in your lung so ever freshly or otherwise you would get choked by the harmful fume. If you got the chance to witness the majestic view of the sunrise, that will definitely be one of the priceless moment that you want to relish forever more. Untainted morning magic always leaves me awestruck.
This one thing that I really, really love is my FULL VIEW in the mirror the instant I jump out of my bed. I look like I have lost hundred of kilos. Funny isn't it, but it is very true. I would make a 360-degree-turn to appreciate this temporary manifestation of my morning, physical glory. My tummy looks extra flat, minus my lifetime-dream six-pack, of course.. Anyway, this stirring image suggested that I need to do work out not anymore. Hahahaha..
Morning is when my hair would look at its best as well. It is a mess but it looks just fine. Wonder why people would go to a professional hairstylist and ask for a wake-up hairstyle? Now, I know every reason behind it..
Morning, I love you!!! Ahahahahahahhaa..

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

O Lord... I do try

I have been trying so hard. Maybe not hard enough. But, O Lord, I do try... But, how could I continuously pretend that everything is under control when I can't even get a hold of barely anything? I feel so small now...

15 minutes..

I set my alarm clock at 0645. I heard the bell. Thought I needed another 15 minutes of sleep. Furthermore, it was still very dark outside. When I woke up '15 minutes' later, my eyes were blinded by the bright light from the window. I had a quick glance at the wall clock. Yeah, you are right!!! You were sleeping for only another "15 minutes." HOLyCrAppp!! It was 10am! Sigh... I missed my morning jog and it shall be replaced later this evening..

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Cup Noodles


I have never been a fan of cup noodles until I was introduced to Maggie Hot Cup Noodles by Ash. Since then, I made a frequent visit to noodles section at any grocery store to ensure that I would not run out of supply. Of course I would not hail any of the cup noodles that I have tried as super delicious but it helps to prevent any dent in my bank account. It could taste really good sometimes though. Another reason is that, it takes less than 5 minutes to prepare one. Furthermore, I don't have to do the dishes. So, I don't have to even bother buying Sunlight or something. Importantly, who knows you might wake up in the middle of the night with your stomach loudly growling? You would be very thankful that you have stock up one or two. It does what it does best at such a time. Such a wonder... Lalalalala.. Right now, I only have 4 left. Need to grab some more from the supermarket..

William's Mamak is the place to be...



Courtesy: http://food.malaysiamostwanted.com/venues/williams-italian-mamak-food-old-lim-kok-wing... Do visit the link above for better view.. You would drool madly like I do. I warned you already.. LOL..
Heehehehe.. Dont be mad.. I know how unhealthy my eating habit seems to be. But, gosh... I love to try new dining placessss.. Will be going to William's mamak this Friday with my buddies.. Are you ready guys?? Atttacccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!! Aiyai, Captain, so u said.. Gewd..

FeeLinG tHe StinG & HappY BesdaY PriNCeSs

Aiyooooo.. I feel so week.. Let me recall. I woke up at 0645. Then, I went to the stadium for my morning jog. This time, I have two lovely companions, Nana and Nieza. Anyway, after my exhausting fourth round, I excreted gallons of perspiration that flowed with unbroken continuity. It was 0800 already and I must rush to get myself prepare for my Error Analysis discussion at 1000.

Afraid that I might not last for the entire day, I took 2 sachets of Vico + Seaweed Mushroom Flavoured Cup Noodles + some prawn rolls for my breakast. Looking at my watch, I still had a good 40-minute to read few pages of Dan Brown's famous "The Symbol." I then walked slowly to PTSL. Actually, I was thinking of celebrating my Princess's 24th birthday later today. I was then informed by Yanna and Dya that she will be joining us for lunch. Ina confirmed that later.

Soon after our discussion, I rushed to a bakery at Pusanika to buy 4 slices of 2 different cakes. Though a whole cake would be ideal, so unfortunate that the bakery did not have any. Better than nothing, right? Kim, this birthday celebration of yours may be the simplest but, I hope the dim sum and the cakes would bring you your birthday delight. I know, the cake was nothing compared to Secret Recipe's. And gosh, time really envied us when we were having a great moment. To Robin and Jimmy, makseh for joining our modest birthday celebration.

This is so not grandeur...


It was 2pm and we were waiting for the bus for our next agenda. Drama prac it was. It ended at half past four. Thought I still have the energy to continue jogging. And hahahaha.. I don't. Feeling the sting of my hard labour..

Paradise..

OLDTOWN White Coffee

Secret Recipe

Canton

Chillies
Shabu One

Let the pictures speak on my behalf..

Monday, March 8, 2010

Porridge

I LOVE PORRIDGE... Ever since my mum invented her very luscious porridge with the recipe only known to her, I couldn't spare a day without savouring bowls after bowls of porridge. It was addictive. Now, I want to bring those good old days to life again so badly. But, the best I could is to go along with every single memory that I have in mind with a smile. Wow.. I can now smell her aromatic chicken porridge. I can almost feel it going down my throat delicately. Every serving spoon tastes so magnificent that I could always go for another bowls.
Ironically, my grandpa told me once that taking porridge as a meal is ill-advised. He claimed that it contributed hardly a thing but to make you grow weaker. How could a bowl of porridge become so ridiculously unhealthy when it is richly prepared with cubes of chicken, racks of eggs, freshly plucked vegs and all sorts of mushroom available on the land and sea? I have yet to include ginger, onion and other spices that make a bowl of porrifge a wholesome, hale and hearty serving.
Grandpa? Shall you now raise your white flag or is it too heavy still that you can't even lift it up? Hehehe.. Maybe the one that grandma prepares for you with soy sauce added is disappointing. But, you have not tried my mum's. You would without doubt become the No.1 porridge fan even at your first sip. Then, you could only wish that you have given it a try much much much earlier... LOL..

alwaysBthere

"Hope that u know how to be a friend of someone, without crossing the boundaries."

I don't quite understand this line. Owh ya, if you get to view my Shoutmix on the left of the screen, somebody called "alwaysBthere" left me with this puzzling statement for me to ponder upon. Can someone please enlighten me with this though-provoking sentence? I could hardly make any sense out of it.
Without crossing the boundaries? Hmmmm... It appears to me that I have crossed a significant line, metaphorically speaking. Pardon me for my uncalled for ignorance but I am totally unaware that I have done something awfully wrong.
Maybe if I did, it could be unintentionally done. It may be the case of the slip of the tongue or any kind. Could you then please point it out so that we would be able to work something out? Thank you.
I make mistakes and maybe this is one of the so many mistakes that is beyond the pale and inexcusable. But, mercifully, please grant me just another chance if you would, so that we could clear this mess, dear alwaysBthere?

Unreachable

Dear, friend.

Will you at least listen to my heart for once?

Reconnecting to you is what I found the hardest at the moment. Something is wrong somewhere. But, how stupid would I be if I let you walk away simply because of this childish game between you and me? This situation between the two of us is not at all pleasant. Thankfully, however, no matter how mad I am, there is this soft spot that is sacredly yours. You own that place exclusively. That explains the hurt that I have to put up with pretty well. Though you find me worthless, but, this one fact remains. You are irreplaceable. God bless your heart and soul!

Truly,
Ter

Fun walking..

I was walking back to my college under the glaring, hot sun with Robin a while ago. Our umbrellas offered very little help, barely protecting us from the direct sunlight. In fact, the breeze that swept our faces was very dry, leaving us with no comfort. We have to endure this torching for 20 minutes before we reached our little sanctuary.
We diverted the physical torment by cracking silly jokes, poking each other with nonsensical exchanges. Robin, please pardon me for the adjective used. But as silly as those conversation between us may sound, I however found them very cheering. At least, I feel that way and the effect lasts until now. I am still smiling brightly when I recall what have we just said.. LOL
Talking nonsense and acting stupid make me feel really good. I mean, it is like you are allowing yourself to recognize the humor in you. Though the walk was tiring, I do not mind to continue walking under the flaming sun since that makes me feel really, really happy..

An escapade..

It all began with the 10a.m-to-8p.m power cut-off on Sunday. Basically, I was the mastermind. Given that I was indebted to Nieza for her generosity, I decided to invite her for a humble meal. Nana and Hai later told Nieza that they were interested to join our little escapade. Since I have promised Robin that I would be accompanying him to break away from UKM, I extended an invitation to him too. I have another two names in my mind but well, obviously, the car would be able to accommodate only five people the most. Sap finally made his way in because Hai changed her mind at the last minute due to her poor health.
After a little discussion, we decided on Mid Valley to spend our day at. Our trip started as early as 1005, five minutes ofter the power supply broke off. After sending Nieza and Nana's joint-laundry, Nana treated us over a delicious mamak delight. Thanks, Na!!!! It was one of the most outstanding breakfast that I have ever enjoyed right here in UKM.
At the speed of 60-70 km/h, we elegantly arrived at our destination within an hour. We rushed upstairs for the movie tickets after patiently waiting for a car to empty a parking lot. Innitially, we planned to watch 'Alice in the Wonderland' but the tickets were sold out. The one that was available would be at 11pm. With Sap's friend courtesy who was coincidently queeing up earlier than us, we managed to get ourselves 5 tickets for 'Book of Eli' instead.
It was only 1 o'clock and we had like 3 hours before the movie started. Though our stomachs were cramped with the breakfast, we decided to stroll along the ground floor to look for an afforable eating place. Conidering that I have three mouths to feed, (Nieza's, Robin's and mine), Chillis would be killing. Kenny Rogers? Dominos? Hmmm.. Our feet later brought us to Jonker Street where we found this reasonable stall serving crunchy chicken and another nearby stall serving cendol. It was Nana's, Nieza's and Sap's first time. Robin and I introduced them to No.1 Best Seller Lunch Box, XXXL Chicken, oyster mee sua and cendol durian. Glad that they found the food lovely.
After satisfying our tummies, we made a move to The Garden right after Nana was done praying. We went in and out from one shop to another, entertaining our eager eyes with the latest and trendiest gadgets in town. We even spent nearly 15 minutes sitting comfortably in the middle of Borders pretending that we were reading books when we were actually waiting for Robin with his business in the washroom. LOL..
It was 45 minutes before the movie started. Everyone looked a bit dead-beat so we take a short break at McD. Feeling guilty from not buying anything, we decided to buy some snacks at GSC instead. That was when Sap's eyes were glued at a man whom he claimed was Alex Wong. Hahahaha.. It was Alex Yong, Malaysia's very own F1 racer. Thought of taking a photo with him but he seemed occupied. We gave it a clever thought that we would not intrude his private moment with his loved ones.
About 2 hours later, we were done with "Book of Eli.' Others found it a bit boring but I found the movie intriguing. Next, we would either go back or stay for a while. Earlier on, Nieza, Nana and I have wanted to throw Sap a little birthday surprise. So, we informed Robin of the plan and he had nothing against it. That brought us to Secret Recipe though formerly, we decided to spend the rest of the night celebrating Sap's 24th birthday at Coffee Beans.
Robin and I came to a decision to enjoy our Japanese cuisine at Secret Recipe that we bought from Jusco. Actually, we were afraid that we were not allowed to bring any outside food. But, we managed to finish everything happily.
Anyway, Sapri, I hope you enjoyed every moment we spent at Mid Valley yesterday. Wishing you a very happy and blessed 24th birthday! Be a man! To the rest, Nana, Nieza and Bin Bin, it would be my immense pleasure to hang out with you guys again. Night!!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Sharing is caring?

I guess, I am not the one and only who is tested with this headache. Maybe, the way we handle it is dissimilar. However, I am quite certain as well that some of us may choose this same way; SHARING.
Have you ever felt that your friend becomes unexpectedly bothersome at a point of time? What would you do? Maybe for someone who is blunt and blessed with a cold heart, he would find it the best to strike while the iron is flaming hot. But, for the lily-livered and spineless person like me, I would prefer to keep whatever aggravation to myself, fear that my words may affect my relationship with the one whom it may concern. Thus, I would cross my finger and pray that time would heal.
Nevertheless, when I found that the apprehension is uncontainable, I would then turn to someone to carve up my trepidation. Every so often, I wonder whether what I did was right. It may seem that I am bad-mouthing a person when my only intention is to spill everything out from my system before I lost my mind. Hence, there are two consequences that I have to bear. First, I may ruin my own image. Second, I may ruin the image of the person that I talked about. Do you feel this way too when you share what you feel with others?
My other concern when it comes to sharing is that I may sometimes make a wrong move. I trust a person so much that I reveal everything simply. I give too much details that in the end I feel horrible about it. Sigh... You know how it feels when you are heated, right? You would be surprised with some of the imprudent words you have just uttered to express your exasperation.
To keep the tense building up is like committing suicide. It is like activating a time bomb. To let it all out in front of another person would open up your words to another thousands of interpretation. What I fear the most is whatever I have said would be manipulated and used against me irresponsibly.
Honestly, I am sharing my difficulty because I need another heart that would listen. I yearn for a heart to console my derelict spirit. What I do not need is a tongue that judges and an eye that condemns.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Clumsy me...

If I were an elderly, I might be bed-ridden right now because of the fractured bones. I fell down 3 times consecutively while doing my laundry this evening. The floor was all wet and slippery because of the bubble from my laundry. I was about to lift up my pail full with water when I lost my balance. And I was only in my towel!! There was a guy in front of the washing machine at that time. Owh ya... The washing machine is located right in front of the entrance to the laundry room. I hurriedly stood up but to no avail. I fell again. Afraid that he might see me barely covered with hardly anything, I attempted to stand up straight for the second time, but I fell again! Shooooootttt!!! How embarrassing it he did see me in my birthday suit! Still, I managed to cover errr.. u noe.. LOL... I was nervous as hell that I felt my face burning. I tried standing up for the tird time and jeezzzz, my hand slipped and I was practically sitting on the floor with terror. Amazingly, the guy did not even notice what was happening behind his back. Phewwwwww... Lucky me!!! Otherwise, I would rather kill myself instantly.. How clumsy!!!!! Now, I have to wash my towel. Shooooootttt!!

Word Play

Haisssshhhh.. I feel like slapping my mouth for saying so much words. I should know when I should stop babbling or giving comments. I could be harsh sometimes. I could be too moronically honest as well. While I am happy that I make myself heard and letting go the overwhelming tense that is building up inside me, on the other hand, I am inviting the unforeseen trouble too. There would be a moment when I wrongly structure my words. Even if I lay out my argument nicely, it would be opened to a zillion and one interpretation and I don't want to imagine the consequences of saying things wrongly. No matter how wisely it is said, no matter how carefully words are constructed, with the wrong timing, the upshot could be perilous. Even worse, I could say something with a noble intention but what comes out from my mouth sounded the otherwise.. Haissssshhhhh.. Maybe it is true that a clever man tells, a wise man observe and get things done. As the saying goes, wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.. LOL... I hope I am the wise one..

2 JiwA 1 HaTI

I remember the first time we met. I was struggling to remember your name. I had not even a single clue that you would be very significant in my life. Slowly I learned that what I thought was ours was yours and his. I kept mum, figuring why must it happen. I was devastated. Slowly, I regained my composure and we were stitching the torn hearts with a thread made of gold and a needle made of diamond. However, I was almost certain that we were making fool of ourselves. We are just too weak to go against it. We are now left with an obstacle greater than a broken heart. Because of that alone, I can't gear us up towards our destination. Maybe this is what we worth. This one thing that we placed most sacred, let it be folded neatly as our greatest memory. Take care of his heart. I would take a great care of my own, my way.

No time to waste

Looking at the calender, I am very amazed that I do not have the luxury of time with me. I have to get everything done Besides, I must also end what I have started so that nothing would be left dangling. While my heart at times hesitantly moving forward, I have to get going. I may suffer from the sting of leaving my heart unattended to, but I am left with not much choices. I would rather go beyond my limit and push myself towards the very edge to witness another breakthrough. The risk is always there, waiting dutifully. But, you will never know what you are capable of if you are not willing to try. I have no regret because at least I try rather than watching those golden opportunities passing me by.

Friday, March 5, 2010

FrIendShiP

We are at lost the moment we think a person should be somebody that we wanted him or her to be. We would start losing friends instantly when we insisted on them to see only what we see. Most of the times, we thought that our friends are drifting away when in fact we are actually creating a distance. We are losing our drives when we start to put the blame on others and never once reconsider that we are actually at fault. When we started to count on every little, tiny thing, that is when others started to be calculative with you too. When we think that others are always wrong, maybe we have never been right ourselves. To sustain a friendship, we have to practice the basic; give sufficiently and take moderately. Take care of the heart of others greatly because yours would be wonderfully taken care of too. Above all, to be a friend, accept others as who they truly are. Look not only at their weaknesses because you have countless of imperfection that lies within you. The good news is, when we work on those flaws with the one we call friend, the end product would be unbelievably invigorating. Remember, when it is ALWAYS about you WINNING, you are actually AT THE LOSING END...

Goo Jun Pyo

I am preparing myself for my drama staging. So, Zakiah thought that watching 'Boys Over Flower' would help me to understand the character that I am assigned to better. I was hesitant to watch that 25-episode drama series at first. Apparently, I prefer movie over drama. My perception was about to change. Hehehe.. Since I was pretty much unoccupied, I decided to give this Korean production a chance anyway. Furthermore, the only purpose was to explore my romantic, royal and princely character better.
I bet most of you have watched this drama starred by Lee Min Ho. Yeah, you are nodding and hehehe, I heard your Yessess too.. Well, overall, I love the drama but I found the ending rambling. Never mind. Though I am personally very much inspired by Geum Jan Di and Yoon Ji Hoo, but, Goo Jun Pyo has the most effect on me.
I love the idea that he is filthy rich and born with the silver platter. However, living in an affluent, well-heeled family is not an assurance that happiness is all yours. This is the lesson that I learned significantly from this touching drama. For instance, there is a part in this drama where Jun Pyo has to sacrifice his love chapter to ensure the survival of his empire, the Shinwa. He pretended that Jan Di has no place in his heart. I remember Goo Jun Pyo says "Will you not change if you have 700,000 people relying on you?" when Ji Hoo confronted him for being so mean towards Jan Di. Well, I could not imagine having that burden on my shoulder myself. 700,000 lives are relying on you to be fed. Wow!
Alright, peeps! Given all the money that Jun Pyo has plus the wise head I am blessed with and the warm heart that I am sanctified with, (LOL), I believe that I will make the world a better place not only for myself but for those whom I love greatly. I have this unimaginable plan in my head if I belong to this league of the rich and famous.
Apart from the free, not-so-fresh air that we all enjoy, I think that every other thing can be bought with money. Money has every place in our life, no? Naaa, do not start the lecture th
at friendship is one of the things that money can't buy. Not that I am very corrupted but, realistically, money is a strong, driving force! Only if I am Goo Jun Pyo..

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Am I, I am?

I caught up with lots of new things entering my 24th birthday. I drank beer. I tried playing snooker. I got my hair coloured, low-lighted and high-lighted, I went clubbing and I got myself a tribal tattoo as well.
It seems like Walter is no longer a good boy, huh? But, hey! Does any of these make me a different person? I am still your Walter, your Walt, your Ter, your GW, your Umpang, your Pan, your Pang, your Sir. Only my shell changes but if you care to look further inside beyond what your bare eyes could see, you would notice that I am still who I was.

Finale

1. I want to walk out from UKM with tears of joy.
2. I want to walk out from UKM with no regret.
3. I want to walk out from UKM with pride.
4. I want to spend my remaining days with those who care for me truly.
5. I do not mind spending on the person that I appreciated highly. Even if I did not get to throw you a plush dinner or buy you a token of remembrance, count not on the material value because I find you special and only that matters.


Oooopsiee

Gotcha.. U are doing it again. As usual, I am left with a face full with question marks. I look cute though, I hope! Hehehehe.. It's OKAY. It's alright. Never mind. Let it be. Walter, AJA!! FIGHTING!! (Yerdeh, the spirit of the Korean!)
But, for this trillionth time, I would not make a fool of myself because I have my self-worth. I would not give in easily this time. This is a business in which I am an expert already. I would only accept a transaction that is of an equal value this time. Furthermore, EVERYTHING COMES with A PRICE, remember? Taaa...

Terpinga-pinga

'Terpinga-pinga' would best describe my current state. So much is going on that I hardly keep up with the momentum. I do not know what to do. I do not know what to feel. I have lost my senses. While someone that I highly respect is leaving me staggered, I am now also slowly withdrawing myself from a world that I build with hope and love with someone whom once was my everything. Or should I completely disappear from this craze? I guess nobody would even notice. How insignificant I am!
A little advice to myself. Walter, no one problem is bigger than the other. What counts is how we choose to solve either one. If you choose to be bitter, then you have chosen to walk down a winding path. However, Walter, dear, if you choose to at least acknowledge that a damage could be fixed, and if you choose to reconsider that doing mistake is a part and parcel of life, or at any rate you realized that after all, admtting your mistake is certainly praiseworthy, then, you would grow up as a respectable man! I believe the latter sounded more appealing, right Walter?
P/S: Don't push yourself to hard, Walter.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Sharing

I asked a very dear and true buddy, Robin about an issue just now. I asked him how would he feel if the world is made known of a fuzz that is happening between you and the other. Consider this situation. C and D is trapped in a trying moment. While C is keeping mum, D finds it uneasy to sit still and decided to share the burden with the others.
C was astounded when a friend came up and asked whether everything was alright. Hardly enjoy the relief from the sudden shock, another friend threw C with the similar question which was just another bombshell. When another one came up, C felt that D has just crossed the line. To be honest, Mr. C is none other than me and I guess I better left the identity of D undisclosed.
Robin, however told me that everyone has the right to share the burden with anyone whom one is comfortable with. I slowly realized that I should respect that right.
Anyway, let me justify why do I feel devastated. Simply because, I think that my pride is hurt. I feel that my image is ruined. Would people find me disgusting at the slightest sight of me? Would they find me disgraceful and demeaning? I however would not come out on defense. I have little or in fact nearly zero interest to come out with a counter-statement.
Anyhow, do not get the wrong idea here. I AM NOT SAYING that I am not at fault. Neither do I making a claim that whatever is said against or about me is the bible truth. I am interested only in pointing out this trivial thought of mine. And yeah, it has come to my realization that EVERYBODY has THE RIGHT to go in halves with someone on just about everything under the sun. Shame on me for denying that very basic right of a person. Then, what is a friend for, am I not right?

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Tribal Tattoo

A lot of people ask me why have I chosen tribal tattoo out of everything like 'bungai terung' for example. Owh yea, for those who are unaware of this, I have a tattoo already on my upper-right arm. You want the evidence? Here you are.

I got it almost for free from my tattooist, Uncle Reynold down South in Seremban.

Was it painful? Yes. But it was bearable. It was an unbelievable experience. It felt exotic in every way. It was done after like 3 hours. Thought I will never have one and this is very surprising. Up till this day, I could hardly believed what have I done to my body. Hahaha.. In fact, my little brother was in the mixture of shock and proud because I took the needle for the first time as he extravagantly posted in his facebook. Basically because, a person with a tatt is regarded as immoral, rebellious so on and so forth. Moreover, all this while, I have been carrying this 'clean' image.
So many people out side of the tribal world and who do not even have an understanding of tribal meanings behind the tattoos, are in fact getting them. The most basic explanation that I shall provide you with is that tribal tattoo goes back to the traditions that mark a person as a member of the local group for solidarity purpose. In my case, my tatt would represent my ethnicity. I am an Iban and this certainly makes me feel more connected to my origin.


Put aside personal convictions because we all have an undeniable need to feel the sense of belonging. That is considered the most basic tribal need. Another reason why the tribal tattoo has had such a strong resurgence on me is because tribal tattoo has a very simple appeal. I love the way it looks which reinforced a kind of a positive feeling. You can’t ask for much more than that out of a tattoo.



Let's dance

There would be a time I feel like hitting myself really hard. Why can't I dance gracefully? Why can't my body move with the rhythm of the music accordingly? In fact, the tree that sways with the rough wind looks so much more graceful than I do. Adoi.. I love music! Listening to music is indeed healing. Its healing power would be more electrifying if I could as well freely sway or shake my body to its tune. Sadly, I could only do that when I am all by myself or perhaps, once or twice in front of my closest buddies which I guess makes me look stupid. Thus, I make my show STRICLY not for the public or else I would end up embarrassing myself which is proven overtime. My dancing technique is so terrible. Maybe because I have very little confidence with my kinesthetic intelligence? More often than not, you would fine me glowing in red or blushing really bad if I am dragged to the middle of the dance floor to even move my hip to the left or right. That is why I could not enjoy my music to its fullest. Signing up for a dancing class, shall I? Hehehehe..

Monday, March 1, 2010

Walter Umpang

When you heard of that name, what comes to your mind? His warmth? His smile? His selfishness? His ignorance? His superiority? His unfairness? His bitterness? His intelligence? His might? His confidence? His bulging belly? His tattoo? His messy hair? His determination? His ego? His money? His lifestyle? His nieces? His family? His blog? Really!! Tell me! I just want to know who am I to you.. Hehe.. Thank you.

Lost

I could hardly make up my mind. I am lost. I need a navigational instrument. Would someone kindly bring me back to the right course? Or at least, please give me a working compass, if you would! Such a chaos has further dampened my sense of direction.
I could barely see any thing. Not in this thick mist. Not in this tumultuous sea. I have no life jacket or otherwise, I could swim towards the shore. Neither do my wrecked vessel has any life boat that would otherwise carry me to the land.
Would I be reaching the harbour in one piece? How much longer would this take? Now, I would be patiently waiting for the miracle to happen. Who knows, a cruiser would pass me by and spare me my life? By then, I hope I would not be too late to finish the unfinished.

How?

How?

Bencinta

I love this song so much since I heard it for the very first time.. Currently, this is my 10th time listening to this song. Guess most you are tired of this piece but I am falling into it again and again.. Owh, dear. How I wish I could sing this song as energetic as Faizal Tahr does. Well let me 'Walterised' this song.. Hehehe..

Benarkan ku 'tuk berbicara...
Bicara terus ke hati mu.. Hati mu..
Hati yang penuh rasa ragu
Jangan terus pergi
Tanpa mendengar ku
Mungkin mudah
Untuk kau terus berlalu
Nanti dulu
Berikanlah waktu
Untuk aku, untuk kamu

Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
Kaku aku melihat mu
Lidah kelu sedangkan aku
Mahu kau tahu
Aku cinta pada mu
Benci pada mu
Cinta pada mu

Ke tepi lihat ku berlalu
Pasti itu yang terbaik untuk ku
Tiada lagi mahu ku tahu
Tentang hidup kamu
Tentang mati kamu
Aku tahu
Engkau tahu apa yang mata ku tahu
Apa yang kau tunggu
Mahu aku buka pintu?

Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
Kaku aku melihat mu
Sedang aku mahu kau tahu
Dengar kata ku
Aku cinta pada mu
Benci pada mu
Cinta pada mu

Sakitnya aku
Membenci kamu
Sakit lagi mencintai mu
Dan aku pergi
Tapi kembali
Benci aku mencintai diri mu
Ku benci... Kamu
Ku cinta... Kamu