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Friday, February 27, 2009

Mr. J.. I am mad at you!!

Sigh... I don't have to elaborate in details why am I mad at this Mr. J.. I despise his inconsistency. Heeeeeeeeeeeeee..... Grrrrrrr... Please show us some respect.. U have lost 99% of my respect.. UKM.. Please be more selective. Do not take our affair for granted.. Gilaa...

The other in us

This entry is dedicated to one my dearest friend. Owh, my.. What a transformation that you have gone through. You have changed a lot. Sometimes, I just do not know whether it was you whom I am talking to or was it someone else?
We may not realized how much has our significant other influenced our personalities. Those who are frail would be easily manipulated by the other who is of a stronger trait. In certain cases, this may be good as it would help to heighten one's sense of security or maybe respect.
On the other hand, the person might lost his very own persona. Possibly because that person assumes that it is better to act like the others since it appeared okay and acceptable before his eye. Little that he knows that his reputation has somehow been tarnished by his newly-possessed or newly-adopted characteristics which bring him more harm than good.
Celebrate your sense of self-worth. Just be yourself. Beauty is skin deep. Do not be deceived by other misleading disgraceful personalities which superficially materialize as a fine disposition. In the end of the day, you would be at the losing end. Please.. Just remain the same. I like you better the way YOU TRULY ARE!! I want you back...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I am a bad guy!!!

One more question for you and I to ponder... You find your friend disgusted you a lot, a real lot at times. As luck would have it, you enjoy your friend companion sooooooooooooo much!!!!! And paradoxically, you go with the flow too.. You do leave some negative comments about his or her unpleasant personalities. Sometimes, you can't help but to share what you feel with others; not to tarnish your friend's image but you just in need to let go. So, help me guys to justify.. Am I a bad friend? Am I not a worthy friend?
I personally believe that friendship is one of the most treasured gift ever. Knowing that your friend is around when you are greatly tested, it would certainly leave you with I-feel-good feeling, which make your life more bearable. The surely-not-surprising irony is, friendship is the hardest to keep.

HIs or her way OR my way?

To some, this might sound like a signature question of Walter.. Now u smile.. hehe.. I have actually bothered by this question for quite sometimes.. Here you go.. How do you deal with differences in opinions? Your friend may find it so right and you are just at the other contrasting end, in which you find it so wrong, dreadfully wrong, horribly wrong and awfully wrong.. While your friend cherishes his or her judgment, there you are, at one corner, calculating your own evaluation af a situation.. How do you go about it?? Will you be honest to yourself and telling him or her the hard fact or let it be and compliantly pray that your friend would one day realize his or her mistake? What if the slipup is on the expense of your friend's pride and dignity? But you knew it beforehand that your opinion might cause your friendshp at stake.
Hmmm.. Another question.. This is very much related to the first one. Well, your friend thinks that his or her idea is at its greatest, at its best and at its supreme, thus, it must be accepted and he or she sees others' as unimpressive and unconvincing, when in fact, the others' point of view is the one that is more credible.. You just do not want to cause a heart wrecked. You also fear that your friend might think that you want to fly your own kite or to brag when your only intention is to get things done orderly and properly. How about it? When room for tolerance is little and it is certainly no ground to compromise, should I do his or her way OR my way?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

My dream mobile phone


Reunion

Another soul has gone,
Leaving for a reunion,
In a fairyland kingdom,
There is a wise man,
Waiting at his majestic throne,
Welcoming her to the reunion..

-Goodbye, aunty. Though it hurt me so bad that I didn't get to say goodbye, I know that you are watching over me from high above.. May your soul rest in peace-
Love ends a life, not a relationship -Mitch Albom-

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I have a dream.. one day.. these would be mine...

Owh.. my dream house..

Mmm.. queen of my heart!! Remain as the biggest mystery!!

One day...

I want to go to LONDON!!!

I want a well-sculptured physique!!!


I want a happy family on my own!!!



I want to drive this TOYOTA RUSH!!!

I want this Samsung SGH E950 so bad!!

I want F200EXR FinePix Digital Camera tooooooooooo!!!

A friend in need is a friend indeed

Cliche title, huh?? Does it still carry any weight? What if a so-called friend indeed is not there when we are in need or vice-versa? Would it be a friendship still? I have one simple answer. When our heart is burning with anger and flaming with frustration, our heart would be blinded that it could hardly see and feel the beauty of friendship. And slowly, when we manage to leave those downbeat emotions, then we would realize that we still want our friend to be around. I believe that it is normal to feel bad about your companions. And to get hurt is also normal. No one friendship is flawless. We may argue, we may disagree over matters. We may quarrel and turn others a long face. And it is perfectly normal for you and I are just living a life like any other homosapiens s.p. Well, we can't appreciate things if we do not appreciate them as we can't enjoy our happiness if we never get to experience soreness. Hmmm.. Hard fact, right? But, that is how the universe work, at large. Day and night, shine and rain, war and peace.. Each needs time to be cured. But, do not let the time factor alone to decide what is next for us. We must keep going or else, we would be easily defeated and once we are doubly defeated, it would be hard to stand tall again. In such a trial, do not give in simply. Keep your white flag for a better reason. Perhaps, you could raise it highly when you are extremely mad? You may cry or scream your lung out. But you must not surrender and concede defeat. Do whatever it takes, however long it needs. And you are, a friend INDEED!!! A worthy one.. If the others refuse to reciprocate, pray for them and keep waiting. They would soon realize...

Regrets, I had a few..

Being human, sometimes, I grumble too much.
Asking for something unnecessarily.
Expecting more than I deserve.
In the end, I would be at the losing ground.
Feeling numb and dumb.
Maybe I should be modest this time or maybe I shall be more moderate in each of my endeavour.
Maybe I should talk less and listen more.
Maybe I should criticize less and appreciate more.
Maybe I should hate less and love more.
Would my life be more ideal?
Hopefully!!

Friday, February 20, 2009

My everything..

My heart beats soundly,
My shoulders feel so light,
My cheeks are both rosy,
My eyes tell the whole story radiantly,
My legs feel like dancing,
Shall I do my boogie?
As my composure is rekindled,
My world seems pleasant; compliant,
I feel so bouncy, so lively,
so spirited and full of life,
I find my delight and glee once again,
Because my everything is just by my side..

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

In one piece

Stepping out from the nerve-racking yesterday,
With a balmy heart,
Yesterday may be upsetting,
Irrefutably distressing,
Today,
It would be exhilarating.

Looking at the gleaming windshield,
Dust was its beginning,
Such a humble origin,
Weathered through a tortuous crossing,
From nothing to something,
Once despised,
And now,
It immaculately shining.

I am building a castle in the sky,
I am after my broken dreams,
Unworkable is nothing,
When I am in one piece again.

Asylum

Find me a sanctuary,
Outlying this tempestuous sea,
Safe heaven is the place I ought to be,
I am just another refugee,
In exile,
Looking for tranquility.



Shattered

I feel fragile,
My grip has loosened,
I drop on the floor,
Broken,
Like a shattered glass,
Wrecked,
Like a ruined ship from the ruthless storm,
Abandoned,
Like a forsaken refugee,
So vulnerable I now feel.




Monday, February 16, 2009

Sleep cures and Tears bring comfort

Stressed?? Being pushed towards the edge? Lonely? Go to bed and get sufficient rest.. Zzzzz would definitely help.. At least I find it helpful... No matter how bad I felt, ultimately, I would feel re-energize and ready to face the world again..
What if I feel really, extremely bad?? Like suicidal.. Don't go too far yet.. I would lie down on my bed and isk3.. Haha.. That's my very own way.. Later, wow.. I would be able to stand firm and nothing would be able to bring me down..

Does education educating??

I found no fascination at all attending most of the lectures this semester. I found that almost every lecture that I forcefully attended are so discouraging, so demotivating, so daunting and so boring. There is hardly any enthusiasm. The lecture turns more upsetting and revolting with time. I am about to raise a white flag but I just can't. Again, I have to bear with them all till the end of this sickening semester.
Why don't I like this semester:
1. Demoralizing (A box of cigar on ur table?? Furrleaseeeeee. and ur baju?? Akaiiiii..)
2. Double standard. (I remember one saying this. "You must not be late, but I can."
3. No focus (Is it an Edu Tech or is it a photography lesson? Double check, sir, PLEASE!!)
4. Coming in and going out of the lecture hall just simply!!
5. Tardy (Sometimes I wonder whether they should reconsider the time for the lecture for they hardly make it themselves)
6. Overlapping (One subject shared almost the same topics of the other and we are basically relearning, resitting for examination and re-wasting our time here.. I am in need of something new and fresh!!)
7. Other project before tutorial or lecture at the expense of my time and I am tired of this..
And of all these nuisance, they expect us to be an EXEMPLARY TEACHER?? Gosh.. So sick la u..

My deepest sympathy and condolence to dear Siti and family.

Siti has just lost her beloved father-in-law in less than a month I guess.. And it is now her very own blood father.. Darling Siti, be tough.. Life is unpredictable.. Quoting Mitch's, death ends a life, not a relationship.

Apapun yang terjadi, berjalanlah tanpa henti...

-Melawan Kesepian-

Bitch or saint??

People once told me that she is of 'a type.' And I tried to convince myself that she is nothing as described. However, she slowly unveiled her insolence right before my very eyes. I started to feel uncomfortable myself. I guess she is not aware that she has annoyed me a lot, perhaps others too. What I hated the most is the way she raised her voice once she gets 'excited.' She would be a vulture and turn very bitchy, certainly! How I wish that I have a tonne of chillies and paste them on her bloody mouth so that she would get to learn her lesson of her discourtesy.
The good thing is, I would normally explode at the least provocation. When dealing with her, however, I get to learn to control my temper. The hardest lesson so far.
I dearly hope that she would realize that it may lead to an unwanted fuss if she continuously behaves the way she does. Or should it be us, her so-called friends, to actually accept her the way she is??

Saturday, February 14, 2009

35 minutes to 12 midnight..

I spent my whole day reading Chinese Cinderella which I borrowed from Ash. A page-turner novel. I can now trust your judgment Ash. I got to listen to my two favourite radio channels as well; Fly fm and Hot fm. Have not been listening to any radio station for quite some times. So, my dates for the fisrt half of the day were a novel and my loyal mp3 player. Not too bad, huh though. U must be wondering about my room mate w hereabout. He has left for UTP for a dancing smthing. Came evening which turned out to be so routine. I went jogging for only 3 rounds today. My legs were hurt still.
Earlier this morning, after our lunch, I told Robin how much I miss Italian cuisine. So, we went to Metro Point Kajang for our eating spree. We had our dinner at Secret Recipe. I ordered Spaghetti Bolognese with Beef + Iced Lemon Tea + Hazel Cheese Cake. At the last bite, I could hardly breath because I was very full. However, I decided to continue munching. I told Robin that something crispy and fried were the next dishes that we shall go for. Shikiya was in my consideration which later brought us to BBQ Chicken instead. Hmmm.. Pissed off as I were for a long wait, I told Robin that we better move to the other place. So, our next destination was Reatoran Dai Chiong. Wallawei.. 3 set of dim sums, Taiwanese sausages and fried dumplings were our dishes over there. And ryte at this very moment, my stomach is still ballooning, visibly bulging.. Erkk.... Any better way to celebrate Single Awareness Day?? Hahahaha... And mine (or shall I say ours, Robin?)was indeed a splendid one.. Nyte everyone..

Friday, February 13, 2009

Owh, St. Valentine.. Fill my heart!!

Should I ever be thankful for the inauguration of this Valentine's Day? Hmmm.. 23 years, ladies and gentlemen.. Can u imagine that? 23 years have passed and gone and I am yet to celebrate this special day with that special someone. Even worst, could u imagine that none of those years have I been in a relationship?? Pay atention to the article used.. A RELATIONSHIP.. Give this man a big round of applause, everyone!! Louder.. Yeah, louder.. What a feat. I could easily qualify to have my name historically written in World's Record.. An unbeatable accomplishment..
Put filial love aside. I do love my family and their love for me is insurmountable. Very much aware of this, indeed!! And to u, my dearest friends, bunch of thanks to each for making each second bubbly and vivacious!! XOXO..
I do feel a bit melancholic tonight.. Few hours left to Valentine's Day. While others are busying themselves for their big day, here I am sitting in front of my soulless screen, longing for more than a comradeship. Pathetic?? Pitiable, huh?
My younger brother talked to me over the phone just now. So excited he seemed to be. He told me that he would be spending the rest of tomorrow with his other half. And my sister, is blissfully happy at home with her charming daughter and of coz her ever-loving-and-caring hubby. Then, comes Darrel, my best buddy. He is occupied with designing a Valentine's Day card for his soulmate.
Would that moment ever come? Or would I be repeating this tragedy again the following year? Owh, Walter, dear..
St. Valentine, do me a miracle please! I dutifully pray!!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Disillusion

Last evening was a bit tormenting. I felt strange. I was really stressed out by the unknown. Well, then, I decided to spend my whole evening without any companionship; to be on my own while allowing my heart to search for its peace. I thought I would feel better after I took a short nap. I woke up to feel my helplessness. Owh.. What happened? What was bothering me? And I hope that good movie would help. What a wishful thinking for it did not make me feel any better. Owh yea. Maybe I should go out and get myself drunk.. Maybe a couple glass of beer or hard liquor would help. And in my mind were Alexander Andrew Kana, Dya or Robin to take me out. Ahhh..Just forget about it. It may not solve my uncertainty as well. I finally went to bed again listening to my mp3 player this time.
The moment I woke up this morning, I refused to let my heart to guide me. It is time for my wisdom and intelligence to take over. I must get out from this darkness. As so, as early as 0645 hours, I went to Stadium University and I jogged for 5 continuous rounds. After some workout, I walked to the hostel and just about to reach KTHO, I changed my mind and climbed Ibu Zain's staircase. What a terrific ambiance; fresh air, chirping bird and chattering monkeys.
There I was in my room, all sweating. Still hoping for a better day, I again refused to let my mind wonder. So, I did my laundry, I scrubbed my floor, got my doormat washed, and yeah my 2-pair of shoes too got to be sponged down.
I indeed feel better by now.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Courtesy

I have been tirelessly fighting for this bad feeling. And I have reached my limit. I can’t endure it anymore. I hope that writing it out would help to ease my discomfort. I wonder how a person could find joy in others’ agony. Let me rephrase. How could a person own a heart of a joy killer? Would it take a lifetime effort to become courteous? Your courtesy is all I need. It would not cost you even a single cent to keep the jolly ambiance for just another second. The moment you have come out with hurtful, inconsiderate words, it would be like a slap on my face. You do not want to be remembered as a stellar example of a selfish and brute existence, do you? I am drowning with the whole fiasco. Do not let me come into thinking that I am prepared to do anything I can to stop you, even if it means having to walk away from you. Every human life is to be cherished no matter how poor and how hopeless they may seem. Do not underestimate someone simply. You cannot tell what they are really capable of. Stop judging and reserve your destructing comments to only you. Do not make it audible. Equally important, you tend to assume that people understand when you are pulling their legs around. This assumed understanding may lead to a greater trouble. You can’t imagine how many hearts have you actually broken. Stop it before it is too late.

Compulsive Shopper

I have been spending money not on my necessities but on my wants lately. And now, after spending and spending and spending and more spending like there is no tomorrow, the guilt has finally alerted my conscience. I have abused the trust that my parents have given me. They do believe that I would be wise with my financial management. And I am just afraid that I have proven them wrong, simply.
Now, I feel horribly bad because I am such a spendthrift. My father has sacrificed most of his free hours to earn for extra RM30 per hour to sustain my financial well-being. He would normally offered himself to work for extra hours for almost everyday to ensure that his son is financially sound. The sweat, the hard work and the tiring long hours would end up in my account. How do I show my gratitude? By being a squanderer.
Well, now, I have to devise a plan to avoid over-spending. I seriously have to cut down my daily expenses. Hence, I would have to learn to say no. And I do hope that my dear friends would understand if I have to turn their invitations down.
Aba, mummy, please accept my sincere apology. I know that both of you have thought me the value of money and how hard it is to earn even a single cent. I was just too-overly blinded with my material needs. I will now improve on it

Chap Goh Meh

Thanks to Robin for inviting me to a simple but yet a full-of-laughter dinner. Emm and Jimmy too for including me in. A reunion I shall say. The dinner was to mark the end of Chinese New Year and is called Chap Goh Meh. Did I get my fact right anyway? Hahaha.. It was attended by Semry, Dylan, Alex, Kim, Jimmy, Robin and I at Restoran Dai Chiong. Was it Dai Chiong? Lupak, indah.. I had a nice bowl of Chinese handmade noodle + Taiwanese Sausage + Lime juice at a pretty reasonable price and most importantly, each is yummy!! Anyone with makan plan?? Am always interested..

Live Concert

This is among my wish that is yet to come true. I have always been dreaming of going to a live concert. And topping my list is of cause my sweet, darling pop queen,Dato Siti Nurhaliza. It would be an extra bonus if I would be able to attend those world-famous singers, Celine Dion's, Mariah Carey's and not forgetting this boyband, Westlife's. Would my dream become reality? I was actually driven to write about this after watching few live concerts by Malaysia very own song bird, Dato Siti, the magnificent Britney's and Jay Chow's high-tech live concert. I was indeed mesmerised by each.
I have just finished watching Westlife Live at Croke Park in conjunction with their 10th year anniversary. Such a wonderful and emotional concert. I got teary while watching it for each of their song is sang directly from their heart. So touching. I could not imagine if I was there, to listen to them singing live just right in front of my eyes. I might turn hysterical. The music, the atmosphere and the screaming of the die-hard fan are almost unbearable that I might as well pass out. Their voices are so heavenly. These bunch of guys are so talented and gifted with such a soothing voice. And some merit should be also given to their ever-inspiring songs for I never once failed to find my motivation in their songs.
A concert really does signify the success of a singer. And it make the singer closer to their loyal fan. As for Westlife's, the effort, the perseverance, the sweat, everything is translated into this beautiful concert. Thumbsssssss up, guys..

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Church of The Holy Family, Kajang

I went to The Holy Family Church for the very first time this morning together with Kim and Alex. Surprisingly I did after several unsuccessful attempts. I woke up pretty early not so much because I was eager to attend the mass but my biological clock is set in such a way already. In a way, I am telling u that I am such an early bird lately. Huahuhahi..
I find no fascination when I first entered the church. It is so much different from the one that I occasionally attended in Kuching (St. Joseph's Cathedral) and the one that I dutifully attended in my hometown. (Sacred Heart's Cathedral).
I see no life in the choir. Very unfortunate because I find good music, good band, good solo and good choir would touch my heart spiritually and fill my divinely need. However, I found the sermon was interesting becuse this is my first time seeing a priest get to relate quite well with the worshippers. He invited a teenage boy to the altar to demonstrate how to give a kiss of peace.
Mmmm.. I also find the design of the church a bit disheartening. Hehe.. I like the one with classical design not of a modern one. But, a credit shall be given because this church is fully air-conditioned. What a wordly wants, huh??

Second chancesss...

As I embarked on the year 2009, it was not a really good beginning. I was challenged. Lots of shortcomings were there that so eagerly wanted to occupy my vulnerable system. I once thought, alright, that was it. I am done. I can't do anything about it. It can't be help. I have had painted a very dark picture of how my tomorrow would be. BLEAK.. An empty entity. Not a day that I wanted to continue my life with. And hell no. I HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE!! I am here for a purpose.. And the very first step that I shall take is to just let go..
I thought that I have failed badly as a friend.
I thought that I have been hurt so much that I can hardly forgive,
I thought that the sickening past would haunt me forever,
I thought that I would just give in,
I thought that I have no friend any more.
Not until I finally knew that there is some strength left that I must still fight for the love of all,
Not until I finally realized that we human are imperfect, that we are here to learn and to grow. So, I decided to finally give myself a second chance. Luckily I did otherwise I would be a bitter person.
And I also come to this realization that anyone else around me also very worthy of that second chance. I admit that I have told maybe u that I felt dumb, that I was stupid, that I was foolish to ever award other few with their second chances despite the hurtful and bad things they have ever done, the emotional pain that they have inflicted. It is very true that the second chance that we have given somebody may b abused. Similar offense may be committed again and again. So, do they deserve another chance? Undoubtedly they do. Basically because, you yourself may not aware and realize of how many chances have been given to you. Ever think of that? And I am here today because of the second chancessssss that u have given me. Thank you..
I started to think that I myself am no way the closest match to a Saint or perhaps an Angel to actually label anyone as a bad guy. I possess some of that Satanic and devillish qualities which may have offended or hurt others. So, what right do I have to ignore and punish a person while I myself did the same to others? So, why can't I just let go of everything, move on and cherish and treasure every good moment that I shall find my contentment in or maybe just let my soul to wonder around to look for what have I long lost? Rather than holding grudges that hurts me so much more than to forget and forgive?
At times, we may find that our friends are annoying so much like they do find ourselves annoying too sometimes. So, this time round, I would rather walk away.. Chemistry is something that I could hardly fake. Once I lost it, I would hardly communicate. But, once I have it, surely I would embrace your present.
I should now learn to expect less and give more. I dont want to be broken-hearted anymore. Everything happens with a reason. I may not realize it now. The good thing is, I have grown up. And I have chosen to be approachable and likeable...
I find this quotation interesting. The only supplement to make friend is B1... -The end-

Saturday, February 7, 2009

It is done, finally..

I am one of those who carry moron head around.. (Weird way to start writing, isnt it?) Haha.. And it is my turn to officially announce that Walter is done with his first assignment wic is a lit asgmt. I'm not pretty sure whether it is a good one or otherwise. Since I ended up smiling (or was it a smirk or a grin) at the last word, it probably is a good piece, hopefully. Well, I spent a good-seven hour doing it. Cracking my brain.. Undeniably, one of the hardest. Haha.. and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I tot I saw a drug addict.. RestI must now (Havent I had enaf??) And, 2moro, I shall have a glance at it again, before getting it printed.. Or perhaps tonite?? Moving on to the other asgmt.. Harith's..

Monday, February 2, 2009

Christina Angel and her Kakel (Uncle)

I miss u dearly, baby!!
Playing on my bed..

I miss ur laughter soooooooooo muchhhh..

C u by the end of May, baby Kakel

The Rose by Westlife

Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say love it is a hunger
An endless, aching need
I say love it is a flower,
And you it's only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long.
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong.

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun's love,
In the spring, becomes the rose.

Sometimes I cry


From:
http://es.pacside.com/?page=view&txt=Poesia&cat=Tupac

Cries in Distance

By Ju Lin

Cries in a distance
Can’t stop the tremble
I’m just awaiting my turn
Hiding will never
Save me forever
The guns gonna get me for sure
Dear God I pray why won’t you be my friend
Come to me and take my hand
Like mama would say
Everything will be okay
CAUSE All I hear is 3 2 1

The scream from the guns
And then 1by1
No one gets to run
Someone’s dad or mom
Sister, brother and son
No…no…
CAUSE All I feel is 1 2 3
My tears start to bleed
Smell of roses on my feet
I feel sore…
I fall…
I call…

Huhhhhhhh......

I dont know whether I could make it this semester.. New semester always comes with new challenges, new possibilities.. I normally embark on each new sem with high-volt smile. This semester however, has appeared to be one of the toughest since day one and it has taken my smile away. Maybe I worry too much..
And currently, I am looking for my strength. Looking for my inspiration.. Longing for a motivation.. Needing to be asppired..
I may have faked my everything at the very moment for I dont know how to react and what is the best.. Afraid that I may offend the others and afraid that I may hurt myself even more.. So afraid that everything is over.. So afraid that I'm done, just simply.. Owwhhhhhhh... My heart has sunken.. SOS!!
I want my normal life again.. And now, let me cry..