Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I beg you..

I could hardly stand this any longer. This matter has been dragged and dragged and dragged from one continent to another. It has in fact repeated itself for God-knows how many times. I am in need to end this immature, childlike drama. Hardly a day passes by so lovingly without this troubling clutter. This has left me with extreme fatigue and exhaustion. Pretending that I am happy while my heart is bleeding has never been easy. I am alive but I have started to lose my drive.
It takes a real man to make the first move. It takes a real man to say sorry. It would not in any way do me harm or make me less a man if I say sorry. I knew this fucking well. I hate myself for letting you pass by. But, this time, it would be different. Maybe a lesson is better learnt if I provide an avenue for others to courageously come forward and understand that making mistake is humanly and learning to admit it is divine.
This has never been an experience that anyone would want to go through. You don't like it yourself I supposed if a very dear friend of yours leaving you behind without a word. This is not at all a pleasant guessing game.
It is a shame that I did not even make the first move. I am very much aware of this. However, I believed I did try. Or should I stop trying? Maybe we are better off this way? Or, maybe it is time to say goodbye? Though it comes sooner than I thought, at least I know what do you want from me. I could never be prepared for this sort of farewell though. How could I, after what we have built with tear and laughter?
You tell me. Please tell me what is next for us. If going separate ways is the best for you and I, I will walk away. I WILL WALK AWAY.. I promise that I would completely disappear.

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