Crushed

Guess my dream to end my undergraduate's life happily is beyond reach. I could foresee that I would be leaving UKM brokenheartedly. To keep my mind sound, I would do just about anything before I committed something silly. While my physique is trying to cope up well with this phenomenal calamity, my soul is already crushed into infinitesimal, dust-like pieces. A big portion of it is already flown away with the breeze. The remaining could hardly mend my broken-self. The shock is excruciating and intolerable.
I can't analyse thing correctly at the moment. I am unable to get a clearer picure of what is happening. The more I tried to figure out what happened, the pain is mercilessly increasing by nanosecond. I need a break.
Honestly, there is a glimmering hope still. Would I work it out? Does it have its value anymore? Or should I just let it go, really really letting it go? Should I pretend like everything is alright?
This is a game that I am bad at. I am such a loser, unable to get a hold of myself even till the first half of it. If I lose this game, I could imagine myself falling onto the ground, with my jaw dropping and my eyes bewildering and my body trembling. It would not be good, would it?