I wanted by hard to avoid any contact with anything I find unpleasant. So that, I don't have to fake myself. But an instant in which certain things may be inevitable, I DO have to fake myself. Though I feel bad, really, really bad, but at least those around me are happy.
People tell me that I am not good at hiding my emotion. Ironically, if they could detect how I truly feel, why then they refused to be more accommodating when I reacted coldly? I mean, since they could read my unhidden emotion, why are they insiting on me to do something I don't like? When it is obvious that my 'YES' is actually a 'NO,' why forcing me still?
I have been dragging myself to walk the path that I found little or no excitement at all. I think I am not only one here with this issue right? Pleasing others and depriving myself from my true joy is indeed torturing. Why do I have to consider others when they don't really care about me? About my feeling? Why do I have to put aside what I truly feel inside? Are the sacrifices that I have made worthwhile? It is if later I grin and it is not if you find me unlively and writing and grumbling about it again.
Wait, of this I am not so entirely sure. Because again, they may be a form of abundant blessing attached to each heartache. Because, in my unhappiness, when I see others' bubbly faces and when I hear others laughing happily, though at the first place all I wanted is to be away from that circle, a smile may be subconciously fabricated.
Or maybe, who knows we may decode the meaning of life or maybe along the way, we may unearth the buried truth that would answer all the troubling doubt that have been haunting us? Trying to be a bit optimistic, shall I then open my arm widely to embrace any possibilities because the more you persist, it insists (Rai, 2008). I believe sometimes, though the winding path that we halfheartedly travel by maybe troublesome, but, no one can tell what has it got to offer in the end of the path...
People tell me that I am not good at hiding my emotion. Ironically, if they could detect how I truly feel, why then they refused to be more accommodating when I reacted coldly? I mean, since they could read my unhidden emotion, why are they insiting on me to do something I don't like? When it is obvious that my 'YES' is actually a 'NO,' why forcing me still?
I have been dragging myself to walk the path that I found little or no excitement at all. I think I am not only one here with this issue right? Pleasing others and depriving myself from my true joy is indeed torturing. Why do I have to consider others when they don't really care about me? About my feeling? Why do I have to put aside what I truly feel inside? Are the sacrifices that I have made worthwhile? It is if later I grin and it is not if you find me unlively and writing and grumbling about it again.
Wait, of this I am not so entirely sure. Because again, they may be a form of abundant blessing attached to each heartache. Because, in my unhappiness, when I see others' bubbly faces and when I hear others laughing happily, though at the first place all I wanted is to be away from that circle, a smile may be subconciously fabricated.
Or maybe, who knows we may decode the meaning of life or maybe along the way, we may unearth the buried truth that would answer all the troubling doubt that have been haunting us? Trying to be a bit optimistic, shall I then open my arm widely to embrace any possibilities because the more you persist, it insists (Rai, 2008). I believe sometimes, though the winding path that we halfheartedly travel by maybe troublesome, but, no one can tell what has it got to offer in the end of the path...
No comments:
Post a Comment