I guess I shall humbly ask for an apology shall any of my entry causes you a heartbreak. Pardon me for my insensitivity. I guess I have made it clear that I am blogging to let go of my, hmmm.. you know, those troubling, negative emotions. No defamation intended. I found blogging really helps a lot. I get to translate what I feel into words in my most honest state.
I do understand that I have a lot of ever-loving and willing friends to turn to. However, what I fear the most is that, sometimes, when my intention is to only share my misery with others, it would cause them discomfort. I do not want to trouble others with my sometimes-sceptical thought. I do not want to seek for more trouble when in fact, I am already troubled... However, yeah, at times, I do need my kind-hearted friend to listen to my agony when I see only darkness while reaching the end of the suffocating tunnel.
I do also believe that I am just living a practical and independent life. That's all. I wanted to not rely heavily on others. You may say that trouble shared trouble halves & joy shared joy doubles! But, it is not necessary always the case, right?
When I am disturbed, those who are close to me would understand that I prefer to withdraw myself from any social setting. Perhaps, plugging in my mp3 player to my ears. The extremely, most important grounds to justify my action is that, I do not want to spoil others mood. I do not want to be the joy-killer. I do not want to ruin anything. So, when the best is obvious, which is to exclude myself from the others, why shouldn't I? I myself do not like it to be surrounded by people with overwhelming negative emotion who see only the dark side of everything because of its ripple effect. Can you imagine if the people around you keep on harping on, complaining about and grumbling repetitively, on and on and on and on? It would make the friendly gathering or conversation to be very awkward. Later, everyone would turn tongue-tied and pissed off.
I ought to learn to deal with my own uncertainties, my reeling headaches and get to learn to solve each of them independently, autonomously and wisely. A listening friend may get fed up if the repeated dilemma or trouble, whatever you called it, is shared over and over again. Why causing more conflict when it is avoidable? That's how I see it because basically mine is always the 'recylcled' mess. I just do not want to nag you with the same hitches time after time.
But, don't you get me wrong. I am not choosing to walk on a path alone, single-handedly and unaided. I still need people around me to cherish God's masterpieces. What I want you to understand is my need for a breathing space to be reflective on and to be insightful of my utterances, my deeds and my sentiments as well as my emotions.
So, I think I have gotten my case elaboratedly clarified. May each of us be granted peace in heart and mind and soul. Allow me to ever again express my genuine appreciation for everyone's compassion.
I do understand that I have a lot of ever-loving and willing friends to turn to. However, what I fear the most is that, sometimes, when my intention is to only share my misery with others, it would cause them discomfort. I do not want to trouble others with my sometimes-sceptical thought. I do not want to seek for more trouble when in fact, I am already troubled... However, yeah, at times, I do need my kind-hearted friend to listen to my agony when I see only darkness while reaching the end of the suffocating tunnel.
I do also believe that I am just living a practical and independent life. That's all. I wanted to not rely heavily on others. You may say that trouble shared trouble halves & joy shared joy doubles! But, it is not necessary always the case, right?
When I am disturbed, those who are close to me would understand that I prefer to withdraw myself from any social setting. Perhaps, plugging in my mp3 player to my ears. The extremely, most important grounds to justify my action is that, I do not want to spoil others mood. I do not want to be the joy-killer. I do not want to ruin anything. So, when the best is obvious, which is to exclude myself from the others, why shouldn't I? I myself do not like it to be surrounded by people with overwhelming negative emotion who see only the dark side of everything because of its ripple effect. Can you imagine if the people around you keep on harping on, complaining about and grumbling repetitively, on and on and on and on? It would make the friendly gathering or conversation to be very awkward. Later, everyone would turn tongue-tied and pissed off.
I ought to learn to deal with my own uncertainties, my reeling headaches and get to learn to solve each of them independently, autonomously and wisely. A listening friend may get fed up if the repeated dilemma or trouble, whatever you called it, is shared over and over again. Why causing more conflict when it is avoidable? That's how I see it because basically mine is always the 'recylcled' mess. I just do not want to nag you with the same hitches time after time.
But, don't you get me wrong. I am not choosing to walk on a path alone, single-handedly and unaided. I still need people around me to cherish God's masterpieces. What I want you to understand is my need for a breathing space to be reflective on and to be insightful of my utterances, my deeds and my sentiments as well as my emotions.
So, I think I have gotten my case elaboratedly clarified. May each of us be granted peace in heart and mind and soul. Allow me to ever again express my genuine appreciation for everyone's compassion.
"Making my heart audible. Through mistake I learnt greatly, through YOU I walked steadily."
2 comments:
wah!!1mantap gtu...=p
haha.. Wanna clear some misunderstandings..
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