Dream House

I deposited RM1,000 for my dream house which will be completed in 2016. By then, I would be financially ready, I hope. I am so excited. It has always been my dream to have a house on my own. So right at this very moment, I must start saving. I must learn to cut on my monthly expenses. I just can't wait. Owh, gosh. I have lotsssssssssss of ideas as how the house should be like. hihiihi

Gawai Rambling

It is Gawai now. But I am away, like miles away. Far far away from my family. I called my mum a while ago and she said she was busy cooking chicken rendang. Owh, I never thought that I could be emotionally affected. I thought I would not be missing home so much, like this much. This is my last semester studying in UPSI. But, 2 years not celebrating Gawai is something else. For the first year, I was excited to be here. Well, everybody would right? Come on!!! New university. New place. New environment. New friend. So, I wasn't bothered at all. 

But, now, I don't feel the excitement. I feel less motivated. I was so hesitant to fly. I do not know why.

I was like dragging my feet. Hmmmmm.. The only one thing that keeps me going is my parents. Their hope, their dream. Gosh, I could not afford to let them down. 

For a mediocre student like me, my first two semester weren't too bad at all. I got 3.34 for the first semester and later 3.94. Maybe 4.00 this semester?? kehkehkeh.. But, I could not help to feel this way. I am lucky though to have great friends around me. Otherwise, the next thing would be purchasing air ticket to fly to Sibu. 

All I could do now is to keep my finger-crossed that everything will be just fine. Everything will fall into places. This too shall pass...

Maharaja

Tersenyum melihat tingkah mereka,
Mengata bagai maha sempurna,
Sedangkan bila dia punya acara,
Semuanya caca merba sahaja.

Anehnya para manusia,
Diberi kuasa, mengadili pula sesuka rasa,
Sedangkan dia perlukan mereka,
Untuk tampak hebat di singgahsana
Mereka yang dia anggap hina,
Berbuat semua berkorban segala.

Di mana harga diri mereka?
Bila memerlu, dia yang hina dipuja,
Muka masam menjadi semanis gula,
Tanpa malu, tanpa sekelumit rasa berdosa,
Meminta apa adanya agar kekal megah di angkasa...

Aku yang hina tidak mahu sengketa,
Sekadar melaksana amanah memperkasa anak bangsa,
Biarlah apa kata mereka,
Biarlah nampak bodoh kerana menurut kata,
Biarlah apa jua tanggapan semua,
Ku relakan demi DIA Sang Pencipta,
Bukan mereka yang bermuka dua....

Tika tiada

Jangan tika perpisahan melambai,
Jangan tika dia lena dalam permai,
Baru air mata berderai,
Baru cinta tersemai,
Walau sekuat mana rindu membadai,
Dia telah pergi dengan damai...

Jangan terlewat waktu baru merayu,
Ketika itu dia tiada lagi di situ...

Embracing defeat

I am now releasing my emotional turbulence and restoring peace. Walking home without trophies after tonnes of efforts is not an easy thing. I practically dedicated so much of my precious times improving on the texts for both debate and public speaking competitions. 

Accepting defeat is always tough. I could hardly learn that winning is not everything. I may appear to be very competitive. But, I believe I would be just fine if the juries could justify and fairly reason out why we failed to advance to the semi-final for this year debate. But the same-old-shit from the PRAISEWORTHY, COMMENDABLE and WISE judges appalled me. It leads me to think that if you do not know what you are doing, you better refuse the responsibility. It was indeed a very poor judicial decision. 

Nevertheless, we won the heart of many. Other escorting teachers from other schools were also taken aback by their bad judging. At least I find my comfort in their heart-warming comments. Thanks, St. Anthony and Maradong for the faith you have in us.

Anyway, I am blessed to be surrounded by eager spirits. I wholeheartedly thank Fletchelle,Remni, Elijah, Ian and Ajai for your commitment and courage to take up the debating challenge. Let's do the comeback!!! Let's fly high next year!!! I have had a great time coaching you. Well, it is not our lost, it is theirs. To me, YOU ARE THE CHAMPION!!!! Till then, see you in 2014. Owh, wait, Mooting Competition in Kuching awaits us!!!! 

To Rawiyani @ Boboi, watching you delivering your thoughts on the stage was very uplifting. It is not easy to stand in front of a huge crowd; presenting your speech in your second language. This is your first time and I think it was effortlessly done. I am beaming with pride! Thanks for your efforts!

After all, this is a learning experience. Of this, I could not agree more. We will improve on our weaknesses and yea, let us bring home some trophies next year, aite?? (Hahahaha, I still want to WIN!!!)

Jangan Pura-Pura

Bila harga diri dipersenda

Bila mencerca menjadi biasa,

Bila tiada hiba tika membinasa,

Bila terasa diri raja,

Bila senyum hanya pura-pura,

Bila hati penuh prasangka,

Bila peluk mesra sandiwara cuma,

Bila sengketa menguasai segala,

Bila setiap butir bicara lakonan semata,

Bila bongkak mengaburi mata,

Bila merasa tahu semua,
Bila hormat sudah tiada,
Bila lenyap rasa berdosa,
Bila mencebik hiasan muka,
Bila angkuh sudah bertakhta,
Akhirnya dia,
Terlalu biasa menjadi PEMANGSA.

Terdetik hati kecil ku bertanya,

Mengapa dia sedemikian rupa?

Benarkah ada damai di jiwa?

Bila terlalu mendabik dada?

Bila tamak haloba bermaharajalela?

Benarkah lena tidur malamnya?

Bila dirinya sering memperdaya?

Bila dirinya terbiasa mencaci nista?

Aku tahu dirimu siapa,

Aku sedar diriku siapa,

Aku sedar perilaku semua,

Aku senyum, sekadar mampu berdoa,

Agar dia tersedar jua,

Tiada masa melayan karenah manusia,

Seperti dia yang masih lena.

 

Gelagat dia diperhati setiap mata,

Jangan pada suatu tika,

Bila sudah terlewat masa,

Kau tersendu hiba,

Memarahi dunia,

Tiada teman setia,

Kerana telah kau perlekehi mereka.

Marriage

Do not get too excited first. My big day is not here yet. Hahahaha.. But, people around me, those dear ones as well as few acquaintances are matching me up with few ladies whom by their definition fit me well. They leave me their phone numbers, e-mail address, facebook account, basically just about anything to ignite the spark. I admittedly made few first moves. Unfortunately, I did not find them adorable, lovable, and BEAUTIFUL. I have yet to fine THE ONE whom makes my heart beats faster, THE ONE whom I care to talk to, THE ONE whom I might consider as THE ONE. I do feel bad but none so far has met my standard. 

Now, your question must be, "So, Walter, tell us about your standard!!!" Before I even jump to answering that question, let me first acknowledge my imperfections and flaws. I am fat. I am big, I am not handsome. I am not financially sound. Unlike any other guy friend, I do not find football interesting. Instead, I love things other guys dread like doing dishes. Window shopping is fine with me also. Wait, it is not that I love them but, I find those okay!

Now, let us get back to the question. Ladies and gentlemen and to you, dearest matchmaker, THE LADY of my life is THE ONE who is:

1. Sweet, beautiful, charming, gorgeous

2. Intelligence and educated

3. Working permanently and stably

4. Witty, spontaneous

5. Excellent in the kitchen

6. Respectful

Mind you, above all, I do find character no.1 is particularly IMPORTANT. Then, the rest are the compliments which are also THE-MUST-HAVE QUALITIES. Whether or not I have those qualities myself is just another question. What matters now is the future queen of my heart MUST HAVE THOSE. PERIOD!

21.12.12

21.12.12. Guess we have heard enough about what to expect. It somehow freaks a hell out of me after reading about Mayan-Calander-related articles. I mean, what if... I do not even dare to say it here. Would you spend the day with your family just in case? Many different theories, meteorite collision; natural disasters are on the increase. Hurricane Sandy being the most recent. Maybe I have gone too far but what if those predictions are true?

I can't even imagine if it happens. I have so much to do. I have a lot of things which are not accomplished yet. Maybe this a false alarm but I can't avoid myself from joining the frenzy because all I have in mind is what if?????

I wish it will not happen in my lifetime. I am so not ready for the end of the world. I could not foresee myself facing this destruction. It would be too much to bear. Will I survive the catastrophe? If I survive, how would I face every passing days ahead? Will I be courageous and strong enough to move on? What would happen to my loved ones? Will us make it together? Would life be different? Too many puzzling questions I have now.  

I am looking forward not for that day to come but for so many other agendas that I have in mind. Dear, God. It does not have to be this time. Grant us with another zillion blissful years.

Copy and Paste

When I blog-walk, it is pretty annoying to realize that not one blog is different from another. They share similar story. Maybe, that is acceptable. But, what if those so-called popular bloggers start to share the similar photos? Perhaps, this is still bearable too. Now, when the entire text is just identical, I guess I have had enough. Just try keying-in one trending keyword. Wallllaaaaaaa, you will see at around 50 blog sites sharing the very same post. It is obvious that those bloggers are not doing any research. They do not even bother. What matters to them is the number of visitors which makes theirs a popular blog. What a shame. I don't mind if you properly quote but yours is all about reproducing, copying and pasting. Well, most of you bloggers take it for granted by merely acknowledging the source at then end of your so-called-research-based-entry. Please, dearest bloggers to at least rephrase the lines or perhaps re-write the whole story in your own words. I respectfully demand you to do us, you avid readers, some justice.

If I Knew by George Michael Grossman

If I knew it would be the last time
That I’d see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say “I love you,”
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I’m sure you’ll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there’s always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say “I love you,”
And certainly there’s another chance
to say our “Anything I can do?”

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I’d like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you’re waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you’ll surely regret the day,

That you didn’t take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you’ll always hold them dear

Take time to say “I’m sorry,”

“Please forgive me,” “Thank you,” or “It’s okay.”

And if tomorrow never comes,

you’ll have no regrets about today

Marriage

Some even called me DESPERADO because I do at times post on my Facebook wall how much I wanted to be in love. Desperate or not, I do feel left out when one after another of my closest friends finally tie their knots. In December alone, SIX, ENAM, 6 wedding invitations await me. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. People would turn to me and ask "When is yours?" It is not that I do not want to, but I just can't find THE ONE, yet. I am not choosy but I am not blessed with options. Trust me on this. Not every new teachers are single (I assume that you know that I am a teacher by profession). In fact, even if there is a single lady teacher in my school, I... speechless..

I admit that my friends' marriage ignites that unhealthy green sparks out of me. Of all people, those who are still single, unattached and not in a relationship like me must be feeling the same way too. Well, maybe not. Maybe we view marriage differently.

Just now, I watched "Aku Terima Nikahnya." I know. Don;t you laugh. I do watch Malay movies and some are really good. Anyway, I found that the last quotation is really interesting and it keeps me thinking.  

Kadangkala orang yang paling mencintaimu adalah orang yang tak pernah menyatakan cintanya padamu kerana orang itu takut kau berpaling dan menjauhinya. Dan bila dia suatu masa hilang dari pandanganmu….kau akan menyedari dia adalah cinta yang tidak pernah kau sedari…. 

So, what do you have to say about this?

Life, still unfair after so many years...

How old am I now? 26 and after breathing so much air, I still think that life is unfair. Some do not need to work hard and they get everything they want. I and few others on the other hand have to work the whole life just to make things happen. Nothing seems to come easy. Yes, yes, people say, no pain no gain. How much more pain should I experience to gain something that I truly want? Is it worth it? People also say that something which is hardly earned is better appreciated. Well, if you have to go through the same circle for like forever, being positive all the time could be very nauseating. There is another saying which claimed that in order to be happy, you ought to forget about what you want and enjoy what you have. They also say make the best out of everything no matter how insignificant and how little that one thing is.And again, I have always been positive about this. In fact too positive that each other, others simply get what they want while I always have to struggle. You may be asking, what else do I want then? I have a steady job. I have those basics. I got to eat. I never even face any trivial hardship. I want to stop wanting. I want to stop feeling like life is unfair. I want just to enjoy everything till it lasts. I just want to be happy and make others happy. Not until I accept that life is really unfair, will I be happy.

Abandoned

I have just woke up. Still in my boxer and I am all-wrapped in my cozy comforter. Hmmm, I suddenly have the urge to visit my blog. I have not being writing for quite sometimes. Thanks to FACEBOOK!! Hahaha.. Well, I used to pour my emotion here and this has been like my diaries ever since. And now, the art of writing has lost its significance. It is saddening to suddenly lost what you once hold dear to, I think, I just need to write because I find my solace in writing..Well, do expect my coming updates. It would be on my rants on ... jeng3.. hahaha.. daaaaaaa...

Some of my random Facebook Statuses

 

Dearest all,
Whoever I choose to be with, to make friend with or to be related to DO NOT DEFINE ME. I am the one who defines me. So, the best you could do is to stop ridiculing others because I am solely responsible for my own action. I do acknowledge the staggering power of peer-influence. But, in the end of the day, it is an individual choice to actually decide what is good or bad for him or her. I AM THE ONE who MAKES THE CHOICE. So, it is MY DECISION be it good or bad; not his or hers. WHATEVER COMES THEREAFTER is MY RESPONSIBILITY; not his or hers!

 

Whenever I receive a friend request, my forehead starts to wrinkle as I try to make some sense out of a few weird-Lady-Gaga-like-and-nearly-impossible-to-pronounce name such as Msycerhatitoo la, Dredirado la, Encykipodika la. Dyshypiora la. Come on, people! What has actually happened to your beautiful, real, actual name? Thus, I choose to ignore until you are mentally sound. Eheh. Good morning....

Looking at the doctors' table, no carbonated drinks are served. Ours, on the other hand, are colourful with an array of sugary and sweet drinks. Leading by example, eyh?  

I think I know what love is. You can't stop smiling. You can never get bored. Every moment is always a goosebump moment. No matter what people say, through thick and thin, rain or shine, you would faithfully stay. And I think, I am in love with this one voice that sweeps me off my feet. Owh, it is a God-gift talent. It has been 17 years now and you know what, the love I have is still as strong as it was back then. (Sorry, not the big news that you might wanna hear. Hehe..)

Come December, SIX wedding invitations await me. To my dearest buddies  I am just so doubly happy for each and everyone of you!!! Congratulations in advance. I'll try to be there. May your marriage be filled with all the right ingredients: a heap of love, a dash of humor, a touch of romance, and a spoonful of understanding. May your joy last forever. Your wedding day may come and go, but may your love forever grow.  

Has anybody watched Rejang: Libasan Maut? Obviously, the producer, the scriptwriter and whoever works behind the film didn't do the homework. They failed big time in translating the culture of the Iban. The lifestyle, the 'melah pinang,' the way the Ibans honouring their guests and even the costumes are all messed up. This may lead to misinterpretation which is already sickening. Thanks anyway for sparing us an avenue in the mainstream silver screen. However, I would appreciate it better if you care to at least do a thorough research before your work meets the eyes of the public.

Surrounded by senior teachers makes me feel so young. And the fact that they call me "BOY" makes me feel so much younger.. Hehehe..

Pardon me, but I can't help from being cynical. Dearest flood expert, I praise you at the highest because your flood prevention mechanism seems to be working perfectly well. If I recall correctly, you infamously claimed that flood is already Sibu's history. Maybe the watery road I passed through just now was only a 'flash'flood. (U r right!! FLASHflood it is) Kudos for your another GREAT feat. And yea, let's spend some more public fund perhaps on hmmmm, a PARTY, celebrating your success on improving the first-class facility and infrastructure in Sibu. Owh wait, the bumpy ride which is characterised by the existence of those potholes along Sibu HIGHWAY would be a blessing since it 

exudes clubbing-like feel. Just great!!

A group of students were debating about my current status. One of them said defensively and confidently. "Come on. He is ONLY 24!" And, there I was enjoying a bowl of my favourite steaming-hot foochow noodle. I wanted to pay for my meal when the tauke neo asked me, "Are those yours?" referring to Angel and Ann. I replied, "Yes." She was like, "No way!! You are too young for that. Your BABY FACE and all. I thought you are bujang trang tang tang." Hahaha.. I could smile to myself (proudly).

Life is like the ocean. It can be calm or still, and rough or rigid, but in the end it's always beautiful. Today will never come again. Be a blessing. Be a friend. Encourage someone. Take time to care. Let your words heal, and not wound. If you do not like the person, it is ok. But do not involve me. Sometimes, I think you overly underestimate my judgment. Spread the love instead, not the hatred and suspicion. Because people, SOMEDAY, SOMEHOW, SOMEWHERE, that very person whom you unfairly judge will come in handy... 

  

Moving On...

Anger brings me no where. Thus I decided to end it like every wise and mature person does. Life, dramatically, turns interestingly liveable. It took me less than a nanosecond to offer peace. I am now a happy man.

Smile???

Happiness is what I have been longing for.. Am joy-deprived for nearly 3 days already. Can hardly stand this pain. I would rather die...

Detail analysis...

I was a part of this whole crap? Definitely. It takes two to tango. Partly, yes, I humbly admit that I was unwise with what I have said. I was only joking like we did before, remember? I was even smiling and your response was yelling at me like you were so ready to kill me at that very instant. Then, you walked away and started to argue how fortunate I am, how well-loved I am, how your voice is never heard, blablabla and blablabla and on and on and on and shouting at me at the top of your lung. Hey, no living human being is so fucking stupid to not coming out into defense. And you THINK that it was still MY FAULT??? MYYYYYYY FAULTTTTTTTT???????????
You have no idea how fucking lucky you are! Such a spoiled brat!!! Stop comparing my life with yours. In any way, ours are incomparable. AND by saying INCOMPARABLE, it is a definite arrogance-free choice of word. Don't be a pussy! Look what you are showered with at your age???? Have I ever ridiculed you the way you thought I did???? Never???
You always think of me as the apple of everyone's eyes. You got it all wrong. You think my life is always easy? Again, you got it all wrong. You think that your life is the hardest? Simply because you refuse and you put no effort at all to look beyond what has met your fucking blind eyes. You have no idea the painful journey of fabricating a smile on my frowning lips. YOU HAVE NO SLIGHTEST IDEA of WHAT HELL IS LIKE!!!
Superficially, I may seemingly appear as the luckiest and the most favourable bastard on earth! But, look again, closer, the closest you could this time. Despite my bogus fame, what else have I got? Do I even have to spell out one by one for you to see? Why do people turn to me?
For a while they would come out with praises, saying how good I am, how intelligent I am and on and on and on. Umpang is this, Umpang is capable of this and that. Do I ever enjoy that phony attention? NEVER. Ok, fine! They might THINK I am good and that is what they THINK. Never once I thought I was even good. Then for the next couple of minutes, you are the one everyone after for a good glasses of cold beer. What do you think it means? You do your Math! So, even before you think how rosy my life is, put on your thinking cap. Don't be such an asshole.
Even when your friends come over for a short visit or an overnight stay, please quickly recall what I have done to make us a very heart-warming host.. Have you ever thought of thanking me? NEVER....
And, thanks for the sarcasm that you and your buddies 'blessed' me with. Shouldn't have even bother to read the comments for your overly-biased status. It is hurting. I am doubly amazed at how people can judge others that they don't even know. You have no idea of what is going on so you don't have your say. If support is what you wanted to show, make yourself look wise at least.
I have so many things to say. But, the more I type, the more pain I feel. I better stop before this becomes nothing but the cause of my death.

Amazing FACTS

Wow, after what you have done, without guilt and shame, you still find it is okay to eat the food I buy and to use whatever I purchase? What the fuck, right????? Gosh, get the hell out of my fucking sight!!!!!! If you talk the talk, you have got to walk your talk, dude! How undignified can a person be? Why turning yourself into an unusable piece of trash??? Owh, F.U.C.K!!!!!

On my final physical day; six feet above...

This is how serious this crap is. I wanted the whole world to know that I do not even want to 'see' you around my dead body. Why should you even think of paying your last respect since at the first place you never have even the slightest respect for me while I was very much alive? Hmmmm... Anyone knows how to legally imposed my death wish upon this very person? Since I would be physically incapable of stopping this ungrateful brat to get near my lifeless body, a restraining order is all I need. This heartless person shall be forbidden from even allowing people to see ITS glimpse around; both during the mourning as well as the funeral. I DO NOT WANT THIS RIDICULOUSLY INGRATITUDE MONSTER TO BE BY MY SIDE AT ANY TIME ON MY FUNERAL. This would perhaps grant me my eternal piece. Yes, this is how fucking serious I am!!!! Aahhhh, why wasting my time to request for restraining order? You will never give it a damn! My death means nothing to you. It will just be another news. In fact, you will be the happiest of men to bid me farewell, ultimately. (If only you even care to acknowledge me who was your passionate caretaker)

YOU MAKE ME CRY!!!!!!!!!

I thought I would never ever meet such an ungrateful person! I met one, so unfortunately and I am now totally devastated and broken-hearted. After all I have done passionately, this is what I get in return? The last time I cried this bad was at my grandma's funeral. And for even a worse reason, you make me shed my tears. Thank you!!!! I don't know how long will this crap last, but, God know, how much I hate you!!!! No, I don't hate you. But, you pissed me off so bad!!!
Yes, it's true that if the person you care for the most hurt you, you would rather die than dealing with this overwhelming distressing emotion. You have gone too far this time. I can't let this go just at the snap of the finger this time until you seek your forgiveness and admit that you have done wrong. Something sooooooooooooooooooooo wrong that left me stashed in little tiny pieces. I know I am no God and forgiving you may heal and cure my badly-wrecked heart. The damage is done.