My first Kek Belacan..

Can't believe that I did bake a HAND-MADE cake!!! Hahaha.. Was craving for a GOOD, MOIST cake.. Did I say HAND-MADE? yea, it was HAND-MADE because I ruined the mixer, the two legs, haha.. The paddles I mean. Those who have baked a cake sure know the importance of an electric mixer.
I have to ensure that all the mixture were well-mixed and u noe how much time is needed and how much strength is required to continuously stir the mixture in one-way circular motion with your bare hand? When it grows ticker, ur effort has to b doubled, perhaps tripled. It aint easy. Our nenek last time must have a strong pair of arms, weren't they?
It was Kek Belacan that I baked. The raw materials worth half a hundred ringgit. 250g of Horlicks, a tablesppon of Ovalet, a can of Seri Kaya, 1 cup of sugar, 8 eggs, 1 and half cup of wheat flour, a can of skimmed milk, did I miss anything? Owh ya, browning sugar and cocoa powder which the latter I have forgotten to pour into the mixture.
Gosh, this part was hilarious. After I have done adding in the correct amount of wheat flour to the mixture, I found it wasnt thick at all and I cleverly decided to add in some more.. Not until everying was added, it was as thick as God-knows-how-thick. Hahaha..
Fine with my flagging am after stirring the thick gravy for nearly 30 minutes or so.. Next funny thing was that, I could not find the baking tin. I ended up pouring the mixture into the rice pot. The thick rice pot and placed it inside the steamer. Do not laugh yet!
After about 2 hours, I enthusiatically ran to the kitchen to check on my cake. It was steaming hot when I took the cap off the steamer. Then, when I poked the cake with a bamboo stick, it was still cold and owh gosh, sticky-muggy wet.. My bad! I then increased the heat to its max an after nearly 6 hours, my cake was ready. I dared not to try it not until the next morning.
Nahh.. It was a nice Kek Belacan though I have forgotten the cocoa powder. Not really satistying but a good one for the first-timer.. Haha.. I love it to be served chilled.. Still it is quite moist despite the extra wheat flour that I have added.
Anyway, it wasnt solely done by me actually. Some credit err some blame maybe (just kidding) should go to my mum for she guided me through. Haha.. Hey, cake-baking is as easy as 1, 2, 3 or A,B,C.. I will try another recipe when I am home this Nov..

I perasan penting ke memang I penting atau I langsung tak penting?

Making friend is not an art that one could master overnight. The lesson would never stop until your last breath. What makes a good friend a good friend?
I thought we are great buddy. At least you told me that. It is not being self-claimed. You declared that I am your bestfriend. But, am I really one? It seems you treat your ACQUIANTANCES way better than you treated me. You told me that you dont buy your other friends' attititude but you treat them with utmost respect, denying the conflicting value you have against them.
That has reasonably led me to a state of bleakest confusion. You told me that you aren't happy with them around. But, I know how much you wanted to hang out with them. To reminisce those good old days that you have forsaken.
At times, most of it, I do feel neglected. I wanted to tell you this but I just can't. Fearing that something dreary might happen. Well, I just keep mum.
I may sound possessive, no? I do feel abandoned when you ignore my feeling. When I need to be comforted, you slip away. When I need yor ear, you could just divert our focus away, leaving my problem unsolved. Maybe you want me to forget about it and move on but at least you show me that you care! It occurs to often that I have actually expected talking to you would not make things any better.
You come and go as you please. Leaving me completely stunned.
Maybe ab I am wrong. Maybe.. Maybe..

Wrong flight..

I knew it!!! I knew how bad could it be to be miles away from home.. And I am such a stupid-arse for taking yesterday's flight. Should have taken today's last flight to KL from Sibu.
And for these beloved two days, I feel nothing but emptiness. Trying very hard to reattach my bewildering soul to its unlively physique. But to no avail..
At least another night at home would make a vast difference in which I dont have to feel what I am feeling today and what I felt yesterday. You just do not want to know how horrid it was.
Only if I board on today's airplane.. Only if... At the very least, when I reached UKM in the middle of the night, at least when I wake up the next day, I would have some lectures to attend. SOMETHING TO DO!! However, that isn't happening for I cleverly and brilliantly got myself an air-ticket on the wrong day!!!!
Gosh.. Live it or hate it.. I have no choice but to be patiently waiting for the day that my energy tank is filled up optimumly. And not till that much awaited moment to slowly and draggingly loom, I would be plugging my ear with endless music from my oyal mp3 player.

Here in My Heart by Plus One

I am a total addict to this old-time fav song. Thanks to Robin for re-introducing this fine melody. I listened to it once and not until very recent I am able to listen to it almost every sec I wanted too. What makes this song very significant?You are about to find out at the last bit of this entry.
I guess, you know, everyone does know that I have been searching for the one for over 2 decades. A terrifying news to me but a good news to any soulful, single lady out there because I am still available though I might not he eligible one for yaa!!
Till this very moment, not a sigle spark of electricity crackled across my body. What makes it so hard to find THE ONE? My buddies told me the lady whom captures my heart would be one of the luckiest.. I dont know. That's what my friends, my uncles and my aunties even my grandma and grandpa said. I even remember one of my lecturers back in IPBL reassured me that I am every in-law's dream son-in-law. Ironically I belong to nobody.. Blowing my own trumphet I am not here. Just wanna feel good for being single.. Hahaha..
Maybe I have possessed no MANLY qualities. Because so unfortunate that I don't like football. I am not a sportman. I enjoy shopping and I am partial to a juicy bit of gossip. I love watching movies. I do savour good food. I do laundry. I do almost every household chore, just name it. I cook. Naturally, these have led me to a reasonably large proportion of my friends being woman. And these infamous facts may freak you gurl out there.. But, let me be me.
However, there have been several attempts made by some courageous ladies who have decided to make their first move. So, as a MAN, I am not too bad, no? In fact very recently, a fast-friend of mine told me that she has some gurlfriends who admire me inside out. My charm, my look (duhh..), the way I talk, they just love each of my pesona. Hahaha... I thought, I really do think that to these ladies, I am just a cold-hearted beast, a-no-fun-to-be-with creature. What a misleading thought I have. Maybe the time is just not quite right yet.
IF, one day, I WOULD FIND THE ONE, I'll be singing this song FIRST to ONLY YOU.. I will make this song exclusively our theme song. Maybe to be sang at our wedding reception. But surely as YOUR caller ringtone.

Wherever you are tonight girl
I'll see you in my dreams
Wherever I go tomorrow
You'll be here next to me

And though we are a world apart
I know you'll never be that far

'Cause here in my heart
There's a picture of us
Together forever
Unfaded and unbroken
Wherever you are
Your love covers me
Forever more you'll be

Whenever I miss you so much
It's more than I can bear
I won't cry, I'll
just close my eyes
And know you'll be there

Your kiss and your touch
I'll never forget
'Cause you're as close
As my very next breath

And though we are a world apart
I know you'll never be that far
from my heart

2-week at home

Again, I am in UK.. M now.. I feel numb actually. Not quite ready to see literally anyone. can never have enough of holiday I suppossed! Each was splendidly spent and how I hate the fact that time would fly so damn fast when each second is filled with sparkling moment. Catching up with some of my asgmts now. Cant write much.. Ta.

My $$ value..

I believed that money is best spent on someone who we truly love! Who would sincerely care about us. Thus, the amount of the money which I spent has never been an issue. Before I board any flight home, I will make sure that I bought my family something. It is a MUST for me to grab ANYTHING for them. Though my parents repeatedly reminded me to use the money for my expenses here, but it would be awkward if I did not get something for them. No matter how small or how inexpensive the stuff may be, what matters the most is the dear thought! So, what would I be bringing home this time around?
Angel and Ann : A dress and a set of casual apparel each. The rest, I bought them a bottle of cookies, 200 g of serunding ayam and daging, and mooncakes.

Regrets

Knowing you is a mistake!
Giving you a chance is a also mistake!
Forgiving you is a mistake too!
Everything that I have done for you is very much regretted..
The money, the time, the energy, the sweat,
I regretted it that I have been so accommodatng,
You are unmistakenly unfit for my generosity,
You do not deserve my compassion
You leave me with an open wound and ugly scars.

The least is,
You are forgiven
but none of your action would be forgotten.

Now,
Move you a continent away,
I need you no more,
BECAUSE IT IS YOU WHO DOES NOT CARE ABOUT US ANY MORE!

Too much free time..

I am surprised that I may pass each day without doing ANYTHING!! All I did was eating, sleeping, browsing the net, jogging, shopping and so many other unproductive activities. Hardly, barely anything beneficial! Maybe I shall put the blame on our overly light timetable. I only have few hours of lectures and tutorials on Tuesday and Thursday ONLY. The rest of the days, I am free from academic bound. I have an AMPLE and LUXURIOUS 5 DAYS of freedom which are now negatively influencing my lifestyle.I have a SICKENING routine.
Have I forgotten why am I here? I have ovbiously forgotten the reason of being here in UKM. My priority is compromised! And yet, nothing is done about it!! Gosh!! I have forgotten what I have promised my parents. I have forgotten what I have frequently reminded my brother of (I dutifully remind him that he is in Kuching to study). Shame, Walter. You have dishonoured yourself.
Can you imagine how much time I have deliberately wasted? I have been spending most, MOST of my time entertaining myself unrealistically. Not to mention the amount of money that I have ridiculously spent. My money is running fluidly like water.
And yet, strangely, I keep stumbling through each day as if I have nothing to do. I've put things off to the last minute. Surprisingly, I am very much aware of how many minutes I am actually left with. In fact, I have a lot of things to do. TRAGICALLY, I am STILL comfortably watching the world goes by.

The gloomy yesterday..

I guess yesterday was horrid. I was not in the good mood upon waking up in the morning. Wrong start to begin a day. The emotional turbulence had taken its destructive toil. The impact was devastating as I could barely drag my feet to escape that extreme hurly-burly.
I was not at all comfortable showing others my bulldog-face. I tried my very best to not affect others around me. However, I guess it was pretty noticeable because I was isolating myself from people and was also extraordinarily quiet.
My only loyal companion that would be trying by hard to match the beat of my melancholic heart was my purple mp3 player. The compassion that it has to restore my joy was stunning. I was slowly recovering to each song it played. Though my mp3 player had been dilligently trying to solve the impossible puzzle of my scattered soul, no matter how hard I tried to walk away with its glee rhythm, it seemed like my feet were tightly chained.
I felt so helpless. However, I believed that, that stupid commotion would not last! And yeah, I may now SMILE!! I guess I have wrongly chosen the colour. Let me pick the better ones.. Maybe brilliant red, cyan, orange and a bit of yellow. Now, my life is sparkling bright!! Shine, Walter!!! SHINE!!

Bila Harus Memilih

Bila Harus Memilih by Dato' Siti Nurhaliza

Dulu, Kau Pernah Berjanji Pada Diriku
Untuk Menjaga Dan Menyayangiku
Itu Bererti Sampai Akhirnya
Kau Meninggalkanku

Kini, Kau Ingin Kembali Pada Hatiku
Setelah Kau Pergi Meninggalkanku
Haruskah Hati
Memberi Kesempatan Dirimu

Haruskah Aku Percaya
Segala Yang Kau Ucapkan
Kata-kata Maafmu, Kata-kata Memohon
Untuk Kembali Kepadaku

Meski Cintaku Padamu
Lebih Dari Yang Kau Tahu
Namun Mengerti Kasih
Tak Semudahnya Itu
Melupakan Yang Telah Kau Lakukan Padaku

Beri Aku Waktu
Untuk Memikirkan Yang Terbaik
Cinta Jadi Dilema
Pergi Ataupun Kembali

Cinta Dalam Hati..

Cinta Dalam Hati

by Ungu

Mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku
mengagumi tanpa di cintai
tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia
dengan hidupmu, dengan hidupmu

Telah lama kupendam perasaan itu
menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku
tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah
bahagia untukku, bahagia untukku

Ku ingin kau tahu diriku di sini menanti dirimu
meski ku tunggu hingga ujung waktuku
dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
dan izinkan aku, memeluk dirimu kali ini saja
untuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejap saja

This is what I truly feel about someone whom I valued highly as MY BESTfriend.... Will he listen to my heart?

Mummy.... Abaaaaaaaa.............

Mummy.. I need to talk to you.. Aba, I need to listen to your soothing voice... I am depressedddddddd..

Discreetness..

You may find my recent entries are very irritating. I grumble a lot. I know. Seemingly, I know no joy. Your mind may be preoccuped with that sort of perception. Well, everything is superficially ok.
You know... It's just that when you did not get to talk about what you truly feel, that may cause me this kind of madness. Blogging may be a place to pen down my everything. Then again, I have to be discreet still because this is a public blog. So, when there is so much restriction in expression, I feel like retaliating. I feel helpless. I can only negotiate with my fragile, already-broken-little heart.
It is so disheartening and daunting when I can't freely express what I really, truly, sincerely feel. And when the need to be able to let go is at its peak, gosh, how I wish that I just could throw whatever I have in mind FREELY without any fear! And when I said I need to be expressive, I don't mean to be in anyway provocative. I would be more than happy to let others know what I feel and that is it. But, I don't have the urge to do that, afraid that it might hurt the other in one way or another. And when people are hurt, you know all sorts of things that you ought to do, don't you? I don't like to be trapped in that drama. What good would it bring then? Adding some more burden to my already troubled life would not be so sound, I supposed..
Talking about conflicting values, it may be a bitter pill to swallow to some. Thus, it makes it hard to get people to understand why something so little means a whole world to you. I HEREBY WANTED TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT I DESPISED A MAN WHO DOES NOT HONOUR HIS WORD! To this particular someone (see, I can't even tell the world who that person is), I have mistakenly thought that we truly share this very value that we get to talk about and discuss ELABORATIVELY, but after the few incidences, I bet, no!
I guess I have been living for others, hardly to satisfy my innerself but to bring contentment to others who I claimed to be significant. I try to please them when I myself am no way pleased. I try to not hurting any when I myself am badly hurt; being eaten alive and slowly rottening. I try to make others smile when I am strugling to smile. I would do just about anything to impress others and in return, I gained the least satisfaction. Worthwhile?
I do buy the idea of being happy seing others happy. But maybe no more now. MAYBE.. For what reason should I fill in others' life with extreme happiness when they hardly make a second meaningful for me?
I may only need to be wiser. So far, keeping quiet gives me a momentary relief at least.. The rest, I would keep my finger crossed that the next morning, when I wake up, I would forget about what has happened. I may live a life of the same circle..
Hurt- Silent(Negotiating with my heart for my inner peace) - OK again...