How am I in love?

You Are Hesitant in Love
You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.You tend to give more than take in relationships.You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

I WILL and ALWAYS WILL..

I'll love you for the rest of my life like I did from the very beginning!!

One sec..

Though none go with me,

still, I will follow,

No turning back.

Thinking about the past,

I hope this would be worth it...

-Hallmark's Though None Go With Me-

Hallmark's

Hallmark Channel is a reflection, a manifestation and a representation of my heart. I admit that my heart is so easily touched; can by far be affected emotionally, especially when it comes to a very tender scene.

Sometimes I need to remind myself over and over again that those that I have watched are only movies which are made-up (some may be based on real-life story). But, still I believe of each carries some weight. Almost every movie that I got to watch has offered me a terrific outlook of life.

I am one of those who love to grumble, to complain, to nag and to grouse about life which I constantly consider miserable. And, after watching some of Hallmark's, I would be normally left with moments of remarkable self-reflection session. So glad that I would always reach this one gratifying conclusion that my life is not that wretched after all. In fact, my life is flawless (I choose to believe that I am living a life that is spick and span).

How I wonder a movie could always heighten my sense of worth. Though too many a time that each would end-up with fairy-tale ending, so what if the after-effect would leave you and I with a I-feel-good sensation?

Fairy-tale would for eternity remain as one if u put no commitment at all. Little sacrifice is essential to make things happen. Risk ur life a bit to get to see and embrace more opportunity that this life has got to offer. It is achievable if u r working diligently for it. As cliche as it may sound, nothing is impossible. Caution, even though that impossible is nothing, u still have to be pragmatic and realistic. Or else, u would end up crestfallen and deflated.

Go with ur heart....

You are no help!!

I received a phone call from my Lelep after hours of landing at Sibu Airport. Quite a disturbing one I suppossed. Someone is trying to mess up with my holiday even on its first few seconds kicking off.. Well, thank you for the "thoughtfulness," "FRIEND"!! Friend?? Ooppss.. It is a wrong noun.

This would happen when a wrong person is put at the wrong position..

Wow, Walter is holding grudges! I noe this would not do me any good.. Wanna let tat sum1 to try his own medicine.. U offer me no help this tyme and since u refused to appear tolerant and lenient and a bit merciful, let's see whether I would offer mine instead shall u need one.. Masih geram tok!!

So unfortunate that I think I would no matter how pissed I am.. Hmmm.. Letting go in 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3,2,1... Phewwwwwwwwwww....

Walter is HOME...

I am at extreme ease whenever I am HOME!! Everything would seem alright.. My lung is so heavenly enrich with pure oxygen which finally allow my brain to reflect, to think and to work much better. I get reactivated again.. Am feeling so refreshed and so rejuvenated.. Hassle-free mind.. No conflict and no heartache, no long faces, no frowning, no hatred, no defamation, no slandering, no backstabbing.. All I found is a complete series of HAPPINESS, JOY, SMILE and LAUGHTER!! Life could not be any better, right??

Though I have been leaving home for only three weeks, but, it feels like a zillion year!! Never thought of boarding on return-RM1153 airplane.. Worth spending even though I will only be in Cboo for a memorable and terrific 10 days..

I do bring along with me some notes which would definitely be left unattended and untouched.. U noe the feel-good-factor when u have those academic material around, dont u? Maybe I should give myself a break (though the past 3-week were not that hectic, anyway). Or maybe I would go through some of those perhaps on my last few minutes here? Haha.. Sound better to u??

My father applied for a half-day leave to pick me up from Sibu Airport the other day.. The LOVE of A FATHER!! Thanks, Pa!! And my mum till now am trying to feed me with scrumptious dishes of her skillful culinary skill.. So grateful to have such a loving mother.. And my sis and her hubby would try to spare their time bringing me out for good mealssssss.. Owh.. I am spoiled!! And how could I possibly forget my little Angel, my sunshine?? Ha3.. My tearjerker, my laughbuster..

Hope ur hol is also a great one.. Adios...

CONFLICT CAN CREATE IMPROVEMENTS

Conflict is an unavoidable fact of life, but how we deal with it as a leader is the key to how it impacts the rest and ongoing operations of the organization. As leaders, we have a responsibility to effectively manage conflict quickly and to keep it from spiraling out of control. The leader must demonstrate professionalism, courtesy, and fairness in all situations and especially when dealing with conflict.

Reflecting on what had happened few hours back, I am not sure whether the problem was solved. Frankly speaking, the meeting has actually created another problem. It has invited unpleasant atmosphere which is yet to reach its end. Call me a sceptic if you wanted too..

That is the underlying danger which if it surfaces later would ultimately become the 'silent killer.' Reason being is that, we have not decided on what ground shall we move on from now on. We were only assuming that everything would be fine without seeking for justification or establishing any form of 'MoU' (ceh!); whic I think IMPORTANT!!

Whatever the future might hold, shall we face any predicament of any sort, let's pray that it would be wisely tackled; not emotionally handled. And I do hope that this dispute would be an eye-opener for some (though I hardly think that that somebody would ever CHANGE..)

Peace!! :P :)

Psychologist, Nicoleta Cramaruc

• Identify the type of the conflict - this first step is very important because each type of conflict (interpersonal conflicts, intergroup conflicts, interest conflicts, value conflicts, relationship conflicts, emotional conflicts) needs a certain strategy.
• Be aware of the aggressive responses and their consequences, also of the alternatives - aggressiveness generates just aggressiveness, only finding out alternative ways to react to the violence you can stop the boomerang effects of the violence.
• Face up the conflict rather than avoid it - you have to be aware of the negative consequences such as irritability, tension and the persistence of the problems, if you avoid the conflict.
• Respect yourself and your interests, but also the other and his interests - everyone must have a positive self-image and the proper respect so the insights on the conflict to be realistic. The approach based on respect always eliminates inappropriate tactics.
• Accept and understand cultural differences - people around you are from various cultures which imply different ways of thinking, dressing, beliefs and values. So something that is obvious and right to some of us could be otherwise for other ones.
• Make the difference between interests and “taking stands” - the positions of some people could be opposite even if their interests are not. For example, two people want the same object but each one is interested on some part or advantage of it.
• Explore personal and other’s interests to identify common ideas and compatibilities - when you analyze not only your but also other’s attitudes, it increases the empathy between you and the probability to find out a solution to the problem.
• Consider conflict interests as a mutual problem that can be solved by cooperation - if you can’t identify a way to the mutual gain, at least set up some rules for the mutual understanding.
• Communicate and listen to the other - try to put yourself in his position, efficient communication is an important element for finding a constructive solution. Active listening has to be the primary and only behavior in a conflict because it helps to find out other’s opinion.
• Be careful to elements like subjectivity, subjective perception of reality, thinking stereotypes present in a conflict - generally, subjective perceptions and judgments make hard to reach the empathy. Further on, there is an obvious tendency to assign aggressive intentions to the other.

Don't be a fool

Your air
Suffocates
Your arrogance
Asphyxiates
You turn yourself a black sheep
Your history would not be a legendary

I don't know to whom and to what you should belong
It was a mistake to get to know you
Once my heart was filled with endless gratitude
and only that once

How much you have bothered my life
Amazes me

This is not what I dreamt about
I am no longer a fool now

I dream

Where is the light?
Where are the colours?
Where are the butterflies?
Am I displaced?
Blanketed by darkness
Eaten alive by this dimness
I am now lost...

Light a candle someone,
Please..
Please...

This I just a dream..
Yeah,
THIS IS ONLY A DREAM,
Not more than a dream..
Let it remain a dream..

The fallen

I crawl,
I fall,
Stumbled and all puzzled.
I have to swallow
Not my accomplishment,
Not my feat or triumph,
But my defeat.
I am now crushed,
And officially a trash...

This one too, dedicated to you...

Pejam Matamu by Dato Siti Nurhaliza

Kau dan aku

Di waktu itu

Cuba meniti titian

Lalu tersungkur

Kita tertawa

Kini semuanya

Kenangan saja

Dan kita telah dewasa

Engkau pun berjaya

Aku di sini bhagia

Reff #

Dulu engkau

keseorangan

Kerna kealpaanmu

Oh... puncanya

hilang arah tujuan

Bersama beriring

Melangkah seganding

Setiap detik kau tempuh(inya)

Dengan nafas kesungguhan

Dengar bisikku

Temanku

Genggam tanganmu

Pejam sekejap matamu

Lihatlah cahaya menunggu

Gapailah setiap cita mu

Dan kenal isi kulit mu

Kan ada hidup yang baru (2x)

Yang satu

Bermula di sini

Takkan hilang nanti

Bersatu teman abadi

Kan terus sejati

Menciptaa lagi memori

Seindah biasa.. Dedicated to my dearest Cohort 3

This is indeed one of my old-time-favourite songs. Love the lyrics and the melody. Overall, this song is just FANTASTIC!! Furthermore, it is sang by one my my favourite singers as well. And, this is appropriate a tyme to remind each one of us, ecspecially my close-in-heart friends of Cohort 3 that panas terik, hujan badai, kita lalui bersama...

Thinking of attaching the song inside. So unfortunate that my ICT skill is reasonably poor.. Too bad, huh..

Seindah Biasa by Dato Siti Nurhaliza

Jalan pernah takut ku tinggalkan

Saat bintang tak mampu lagi berdendang

Saat malam menjadi terlalu dingin

Hingga pagi tak seindah biasanya

Takkan mungkin kita bertahan

Hidup dalam bersendirian

Panas terit hujan badai

Kita lalui bersama

Saat hilang arah tujuan

Kau tahu ke mana berjalan

Meski terang meski gelap

Kita lalui bersama

Ku tak bisa menrubah yang telah terjadi

Tapi aku akan menjanjikan yang terbaik

Agar kita tak pernah menjadi jadi

Meski beza dermaga untuk kita berlabuh

Pernah kita jatuh

Mencuba berdiri

Menahan saki dan menangis

Tapi erti hidup lebih dari itu

Dan kita mencuba melawan

I thought it was mine

Grieving for a death my heart seems to be,
Slowly sunken,
Drowning,
My dream shattered,
Can I dream once more?

Streaming in tears I shall not,
I must continue on tenterhooks,
Steadying my grasp,
Inviting new promising probability.

For once,
I thought it was mine,
And it is not meant to be mine,
YET!

But,
I ought to be importunate,
For later,
In future,
It would certainly be mine.

I am a kaki bangku..

Sports... This is one of the field that I feared the most. I am one of those kaki bangku who doesn't know how to kick a ball not to mention to score a goal. Shame.. Shame.. This is indeed one of my fear factors. It is very humilliating when people are asking me about football; the most reputable gentlemen's game. I know nuts about it. I ended up feeling really bad; disgraceful and discreditable.
I was from the stadium just now. Normally, I went straight to the hostel after jogging for 3 or 4 rounds (for the meantime). And it was out of my evening routine. Just now however, I took a different route. I went to the sports arena and there I was sitting from a distance watching and observing people showing of their skills; kicking, dribbling so forth. It seemed like people were enjoying themselves playing futsal, basketball, squash and volleball.
U cant imagine how intensely I wish that I could be anyone of them. Deep down, I have the feeling to just walk into one of the courts and ask them whether I could join them. But, I have no gut realizing that I am a kaki bangku.
I just find no fascination at all in sports. I did try to play football with the guidance of my closest friend. I admitted that somehow I found it delightful. Once in a blue moon, ironically, I also found myself enjoying the good football or badminton or any other matches. But, it is momentary.
I would rather keep mum when the focus of a conversation is sports-related. Even worse, I would slowly drag my foot away. Not having A SKILL in any sports makes me feel less manly. I found myself incomplete, imperfect and curtailed!
Anyhow, I have to sweat my dilemma out. That's why, I make jogging a habit. I go to the gym intermittently too. Would those be considered as a part of sports after all?

There is something

With the shower raining full blast,
Washing my soar, purplish heart,
Draining my tainted entity away,
I need to feel re-purified,
All this while,
Maybe I have been thinking too much,
Maybe I have been asking too much,
Maybe I have been giving in too much,
Let me now squeeze in some place for my soul,
To be alive and start kicking again,
And to find a LIFE
I could now feel it,
There is something abuze in the air.

Dark tuxedo

His hair is neatly trimmed,
His lips are tightly closed,
His eyes are snugly shut,
He is in his perfect composure,
So smart he seems,
Departing to a new arrival,
He has now gone forever,
In his brand new, dark tuxedo.

You have to know that you have a friend

A heart of a true friend is unbelievably beautiful. People may be trying so hard to make u believe that the friendship that u r engaging on is worthless. So seemingly true sometimes but no matter what, a real friend would remain there. Your heart would not be blinded by those provocative aggravation. For the heart knows what lies there for you.
Call a true friend an IDIOT if you wanted too.. Foolishly waiting for you no matter what you have done to his or her life, no matter how much damage, no matter how badly ruined his of her life; a true friend would always be there, patiently waiting. That is the wonder of the heart of a true friend that I hardly own.
I was once afraid of making friends. I would undoubtedly be such a stupid-arse if I did. I tot it would be too risky to be emotionally attached to anybody. Life would not just stop there regardless of whatever has taken place. Let me quote my very own quoatable quotation. "Through mistake I learnt, through you I walk steadily." So, dare yourself. Enrich your life. Things happen and each comes with a momentous reason. Let's learn and never stop learning. For once u have fallen, u now that there would be handful of hands reaching out for you and surely would lift u up. It is important to know that you got a friend. Let's unleash the art and the mystifying journey of a FRIENDSHIP..

Welcome back!!

Too long a vacation you have gone to,
And you are now finally home,
Emptiness is now fading,
My soul may forever stop searching,
All it needs is yours to make it complete,
And to make things happen,
Illuminating and transpiring in this world of magic,
Friendship is not just a term,
It is more than life than just plain camaraderie,
Welcome back..

People change

One of the hardest things in life is to deal with changes. Nobody likes to be dragged away from one's comfort zone. So, what it takes to make changes bearable? The utmost prominent first step is to have an open mind, to allow oneself to observe every situation from any possible angle. Missing one may be catastrophic as I have been mentioning in previous entry, once u started to believe only what u r seeing and see only what u r believing, u can hardly adapt to meet the changes. Practically, that is life. Life is evolving and never static. So, we need to be fluid not rigid so as to quicken our pace in adapting.

Break free

Walking down the street I was,
Letting my mind wanders,
Allowing myself to be observed by the motherly nature,
Seeking peace in peacefulness,
Wanting solace in serenity,
Making myself fluid,
Needing to break free,
To get myself ready for any new possibility.

Walter is now bald

I could not recall how exactly had I come to this life-or-death, a kind of point-of-no-return decision. It popped up in my head so suddenly that the intensity to get it done was immensely high. Without any doubt, I made a few phone calls to ask for my friend's approval. I got few yesses and some nos. I was then hesitant. But, ahh.. I dont care. I would definitely try this new hairdo.. Can it be call a hairdo, anyway?? hahaha..
There I was, inside QQ Cut. I told the hairdresser that I want to have Beckham's as suggested by Kim. She professionally got it done. Then, I insisted that I want my hair to be shorter. She reluctantly followed my order. Instead she was trying her best to convince me that the Beckham's suit me the best. But, I urged her to go for 3. (0 =botak, 1= 0.1mm , 2=o.2mm, hair left, maybe). She was evidently reluctant. I then told her that I have made up my mind, that I was certain and that it is what i want. Still not convinced, she asked me to sit back and give it another consideration. I told her to just get it done. I heard a weak yes from her. She started off with my right half and asked me to look in the mirror. Owh my!!! My eyes were teary and I could only smile. I shrugged and asked her to proceed.. How else then? And now, I am hiding it under my snowcap. Hahahaha...

My Way to Pump That Extra Baggage Out

1. Spare my evening jogging in the stadium and working out in the gym
2. No rice policy
3. Drinking Natural Clenx Tea plus Madu Liar after each meal
4. Walk to the hostel after lecture
5. Less red meat
6. More vege and fish
7. Drink plenty of plain water to assist natural detoxification
8. Avoid outing otherwise I would end up in KFC, McD so forth
9. I need passion and sheer determination
10. I need you to guide me through and remind me of my mission

Inferiority Complex

I feel uncomfortable with extra bulge that is now an unwelcome occupant of my overall physique. Adding to the shame is when I am surrounded by slender, atheletic guys. I feel less in almost every aspect which makes me feel like hiding in a thick rainforest. Whom should be blame? The oily food that I always crave for or was it the fault of my lack of physical activity for the last two months?
The other day, I went for CNY shopping with Robin at Mid Valley. We practically went into each and every shop that we tot wd offer us a very appealing collection. After walking in and out of each apparell outlet, surprisingly, our hands are still moving freely. One of the biggest shopping malls in Malaysia is unbelievably unaccommodating.
Actually, Robin has a lot more choices than I do. Robin ya ngegeh bah! Just kidding..The real problem is that none of the T-shirt or shirt that I like fits me well. Have u ever seen a rice sack before? Huh.. Now u get me.. I lost every chance to show off my good taste in fashion.
Well, it may not be so much of the physical attribute that worries me the most. Let I put some more better insight into this very narrow perspective of mine. Maybe it is not INFERIORITY COMPLEX that I am experiencing. Maybe I am health conscious. Am now seriously working to lose extra pounds. Just wait for the result maybe in these two-months. U may start counting now.. Let's see how serious I am..

Let go

Don't you hold on too long,
For your heart would be aching, throbbing
Don't you pretend any more
For it would be injurious, damaging
Don't you play with words,
For the hope you are building is untrue,
Don't you clutch on my hand,
Loosen your grip,
Let me go..
For it is the best for I and YOU..

Waking up to the blue sky

Greeted by the clear blue sky,
Makes my heart sings euphorically,
The cold wind
warmly welcome my soul and body to this fantastic reality,
Tenderly carressing my skin,
So light I feel and so bouncy I seem
In ecstacy,
Sliding on a dazzling rainbow,
Hoping to find a golden pot at the other end,
But such I shall not find,
On a brilliant day.
So selfish I may sound,
Wanting to double the sparkle I now see,
I better take it slowly,
One step at a time,
Enjoying the blessed morning I shall be,
Unwrapping the ultimate gift of tranquility,
Slowly and steadily,
To the rhythm that promised me glee.

When you walk away

It is a torment of its greatest,
When you walk away,
Life has lost its wonder,
I lost my direction,
I can dream no more.

Easy vs Difficult

By John Deru

Easy to get a place in someone's address book

Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart

Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes

Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue

Easy is to hurt someone who loves us
Difficult is to heal the wound...

Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness

Easy is to set rules
Difficult is to follow them...

Easy is to dream every night
Difficult is to fight for a dream...

Easy is to show victory
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...

Easy is to admire a full moon
Difficult to see the other side...

Easy is to stumble with a stone
Difficult is to get up...

Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult is to give its real value...

Easy is to pray every night
Difficult is to find God in small things...

Easy is to promise something to someone
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...

Easy is to say we love
Difficult is to show it every day...

Easy is to criticize others
Difficult is to improve oneself...

Easy is to make mistakes
Difficult is to learn from them...

Easy is to weep for a lost love
Difficult is to take care of it so you wont lose it.

Easy is to think about improving
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action...

Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...

Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give

Easy is to keep friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings

Easy to read this
Difficult to follow

New Semester..

Semester in, semester out. My second day in UKM.. Equally mundane as it was the day before. Thanks God for the great companions that I have. Otherwise, it would be a kind of life-threatening boredom. Have been informed of my first lecture which shall begin at 11am tomorrow for nearly 2-week, BUT my mind and soul are not geared up for any academic input.. Need to warm up a little bit with quicken pace or otherwise I would never be ready to start the ball rolling. Dont want to lose a thing this time around. Am going to deal with a serious business; STUDY.. I am looking forward to enjoy every session of my learning and making the best out of it..

Life is mysterious...

No winter lasts forever, no spring skips its turn. Sometimes, something has become an unwelcome tenant in our life. Somedays, you may find yourself as high as a kite. Somother days, the gravity would mercilessly pull you down. But, do not look at life as evil. U may miss a lot if you choose to believe what you see and see only what you choose to believe. Life is adventurous. Live it.. And it is mysterious.. So unfold it. I am yearning for the best outcome for this New Year which has just begun and into its 4th day.